“Great White, Deep Trouble,”
Sunday at 8 p.m. on CNBC
I KNOW this guy named Ernie who routinely wrestles alligators, and swims with sharks. I have no idea why he does this, but he says sometimes a guy just finds that he’s gotta swim with sharks on the job.
In Ernie’s case this is not a metaphor.
He really does do these things, although he has never quite explained to anyone’s satisfaction what exactly that job is.
Ernie’s mission — like the National Geographic special Sunday night, “Great White, Deep Trouble” — eludes us. (That was a metaphor, by the way.)
Author Peter Benchley, who scared the pants off the world 25 years ago with “Jaws,” now seems to regret it. And this expedition seems to be on a mission to prove that all attacks on humans by Great Whites were mistakes — just the shark mistaking your torso for its normal prey.
The question that remains in my mind, even after watching the show, is: How can you tell if the shark swimming next to you is confused about your position in the food chain or not?
Now I generally love these specials, and have learned all kinds of things that will prove as handy as Ernie’s tips on what to do with charging Rhino. But “Great White, Deep Trouble,” isn’t my favorite one.
The most exciting thing that happens is re-enactments of shark attacks that took place 30 years ago.
And the guys aboard get all whiny when things don’t go their way.
At one point, National Geographic photographer David Doubilet, (and a spectacular photographer at that), moans, after being stuck on deck for three days during windy weather, “I feel desperate, deprived, indifferent.”
Oh shut up. You’re on a freaking boat in Australia in the sun for God’s sake.
Things get kind of “Old Man and The Sea-ish,” what with sharks as metaphors (there we go again) for life and all.
Me? I thought the only real meaningful metaphor was how sharks bite each other to hold on when mating. Like Marv Albert.
Interestingly, on the last leg of the trip in South Africa, the scientists and oceanographers board a tourist boat run by Andre The Shark Nose Grabber.
Andre has the uncanny ability to have sharks jump up to his boat where he grabs them in the nose and then they (the Great Whites, not the scientists) get all dreamy.
Maybe that’s why Ernie always says when attacked by a shark punch them in the nose. I don’t remember what he told me to do with charging Rhinos.