Life at the Ranger Country Club:
Since Dave Checketts appealed to the team’s pride in a March 22 address at Rye, the Blue$hirt$ have played six games. They’ve lost five and tied one while being outscored 27-6. Their play in the first three of those games guaranteed that John Muckler and Neil Smith would be fired. Their play in the last three of those games has guaranteed that John Tortorella, Keith Acton and Charlie Huddy will be fired.
A statistical capsule of Our Heroes’ Six Pack of Pride, their pay for the time period calculated by dividing the season’s salary by 82 and then multiplying by a half-dozen. Which, come to think of it, is about the amount of players who have even bothered to pretend to care:
Theo Fleury: $621,951.18. No goals, three power play assists, minus-six. Fleury, who intends to get into the best shape of his career for next season, has no goals in his last nine games, one in his last 18, two in his last 26. He has scored one power play goal this season.
Brian Leetch: $488,780.48. No fault of his own, a captain surrounded by transients with no desire to be led, one goal, three assists, minus-eight.
Valeri Kamensky: $439,024.38. No points, minus-five in five games, but his ankle felt strong enough for the winger to participate in yesterday’s practice.
Mike Richter: $365,853.64. One huge heart, one healthy knee.
Stephane Quintal: $289,024.38. One example having been made of. What Canadiens-at-heart say to the press can and will be used against them.
Petr Nedved: $256,097.55. One goal, minus-eight, must be wondering why he and his bruised ribs even bother to take the punishment.
Adam Graves: $256,097.55. Mortified at what the franchise has become, two power play goals, one assist, minus-five.
Kevin Hatcher: $226,829.26. No points, minus-five, one game in Washington where the fans who know him too well went “whoop, whoop” every time he touched the puck in honor of his penchant for coughing it up.
Mathieu Schneider: $201,219.51. No points, minus-seven in five games.
Sylvain Lefebvre: $190,243.90. No points, minus-10.
John MacLean: $175,609.75. No points, minus-two.
Rich Pilon: $124,390.24. No points, minus-five.
Tim Taylor: $87,804.88. No points, minus-nine. Taylor has no goals, two assists and is minus-17 in his 31 games since Jan. 25.
Radek Dvorak: $80,487.80. No goals, one power play assist, minus-six. In the nine games since Nedved suffered his rib injury, Dvorak has no goals, four assists and is minus-eight.
Alexandre Daigle: $73,170.73. No points, minus-one in four games of Manny Malhotra-like ice time.
Kirk McLean: $71,341.46. No blame.
Rob DiMaio: $62,195.12. No points, minus-six.
Eric Lacroix: $54,878.05. No points, minus-three. Wouldn’t know the meaning of the word “quit,” if not for the example most of his teammates have provided for his edification.
Jan Hlavac: $54,878.05. No goals, one power play assist, minus-six in five games.
Michael York: $43,902.44. Two goals, one assist, minus-seven. Hasn’t stopped for a shift; hasn’t yet learned that if you’re a Ranger, neither the paying customers nor the sweater count for much.
Kim Johnsson: $32,926.83. Two assists, minus-six in five games.
Game-time for tomorrow’s Garden finale against the Flyers: noon, because bound by the FCC, ABC won’t air obscenity. Thus, the Country Club will close — for good — around 3 p.m.
Fumigation to begin forthwith.