Dinner Party Cheat Sheet regrets starring in anything with Madonna – except that dream at age thirteen.
FLOP STAR
Madonna stinker “Swept Away,” directed by hubby Guy Ritchie, brought in only $375,000 at the b.o. last weekend. The Material Girl’s flack said critics doomed the movie’s debut. Said publicist Liz Rosenberg: “It’s a public hanging by the critics, an assassination. Give the girl a break already! Stop being so mean!” Critics consented, applauding Rosenberg for her acting ability and proclaiming her a budding star.
OEDIPAL WRECKS
A 48-year-old woman served as a surrogate mother to her daughter and son-in-law, giving birth to twins this past week in Rapid City, South Dakota. Sharon Dunn lent her body after her daughter, Trish, born without a uterus, and her son-in-law, Mike, had trouble adopting. Two of Trish’s eggs, fertilized with Mike’s sperm, were implanted and took to fertile ground. After years of difficulty, Mike is finally calling Sharon “Mom.”
JACK O’ LANTERN
Michigan man Bill Patton, 45, of Macomb, was sentenced to 90 days in the slammer after he was caught by neighbors making love to a … yup, pumpkin, said Post wire services. Neighbors say Patton was out of his gourd, then into his gourd, then out of his gourd.
GANGSTA ZAP
New Jersey officials think an accidental fire destroyed the studio where the first rap hit was ever recorded, said the AP. The Sugar Hill Studio, in Englewood, the site where the Sugar Hill Gang recorded “Rapper’s Delight” in 1979, is now no more. A prosecutor said the blaze likely sparked in a console. Investigators are checking to see if a cable from the east crossed a cable from the west.
RED ALERT
According to the AP, researchers believe redheads may need 20 percent more anesthesia than blondes or brunettes or risk recalling their surgeries. Brunettes could care less. Blondes are looking up the word “anesthesia.”
MATTER OF TASTE
The largest meat recall in U.S. history occurred Sunday when Pilgrim’s Pride feared a listeria outbreak and pulled 27 million pounds of turkey and chicken deli meat. Symptoms of listeria, a food-borne bacteria, include fever, nausea, diarrhea and enjoying “Swept Away.”