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US News

DEBATING WAR & PEACENIKS

JUST one day before the blizzard hit, the city was hit with another snow job – either the largest anti-war protest since the Vietnam War, or the smallest.

It all depends on who was reporting, or maybe who was holding the clicker. The city said 100,000 people showed up, the organizers said there were 500,000. President Bush said he didn’t care how many people showed up.

“Being influenced by the size of the protest is like deciding, well, I’m going to decide policy based upon a focus group,” he said, calmly, of the worldwide anti-war protests.

However, Bush’s biggest ally, Prime Minister Tony Blair, was a bit more unnerved when he looked out his window and saw 750,000 voters, er, protesters invading his city, London.

“I don’t pretend to have a monopoly on wisdom,” Blair said wisely – or at least quickly. “I should and do listen. There’s no rush to war – we aren’t at the point of decision yet.” Huh? Somebody better tell those troops massed and ready to go.

Maybe Blair just got disoriented listening to Dubya on the subject of war and the U.N. resolutions following those protests. “It’s clear this guy [meaning Saddam] could even care less,” Bush said. Meaning, of course, that he does care some. Who knew?

Speaking of caring, let me be the first to say a hearty “thank God” that we don’t have to rely just on presidents, prime ministers and the useless U.N. to keep us from World War III. We have Miss Germany on the case.

Yes, 19-year old beauty queen Alexandra Vodjanakova arrived in Baghdad last week for the purpose of discussing weapons of mass destruction with the madman.

“I want to meet Saddam Hussein about the peace,” the teen queen said. “I’m a bit nervous. It’s a big responsibility.”

True, so true. But hey – once you’ve twirled a baton in front of a live audience, negotiating world peace must be a piece of strudel.