A punk allegedly broke into a Virginia woman’s home, beat her with a hockey stick, pistol-whipped her – then forced her to cook him a meal.
Jesse Muckenfuss, 37, was high when he broke into the Fredricksburg residence, cops said.
After he ate, the woman tricked him into going outside for a smoke, then slammed and locked the door and called police.
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A homeless man – angry at a Philadelphia church for booting him out – exacted unholy revenge by urinating in the holy water, police said.
“I thought, what is he doing there? It looked to me as if someone were standing at a urinal,” said Monsignor John Close of the Cathedral Basilica.
Joseph Canty now faces a jail cell with his own – but hardly private – toilet after being convicted of institutional vandalism.
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A portly hamster cheated death when he was sucked up by a vacuum cleaner – but was too fat to go up the tube.
Nine-month-old Rusher’s lucky break occurred as Amanda Horniman, of Tibberton, England, cleaned her son’s bedroom.
“If he had been a thin hamster, things would have been a lot worse,” said her husband, Nick.
“But his weight meant he got jammed.”
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An alternative-medicine guru told a man to eat six raw frogs a day to cure a pain in his neck.
The man had scarfed down 130 frogs when he collapsed, complaining of stomach pains and headaches in China’s Hunan province.
He’s now suing after doctors found his body riddled with parasites from the frogs.
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Authorities, summoned to rescue a man being savagely beaten by three thugs on a boat, arrived to find they were actually filming a movie scene.
The actors were “quite surprised when everyone turned up,” a British Coast Guard spokesman said of the incident on the River Medway in Kent.
“They were just going about their business, and a member of the public obviously got the wrong idea.”