DISTANCE FROM NEW YORK: 166 miles
DON’T get me wrong. I still think Paris Hilton is a brat.
But after living my own simple life on a working farm in Pennsylvania Dutch country, I have to give her a bit of respect. Particularly since my own experience lasted only a weekend, and I stayed at the Rocky Acre Farm, a B&B.
But honest, I worked hard.
Rocky Acre sits in Amishheavy Lancaster County, where the air is filled with the aroma of manure – and still manages to smell better than New York City.
It’s also where framed Biblical passages, instead of Britney Spears posters, adorn young folks’ walls.
For $95 a night, breakfast included, a family of four can stay at the 150-acre, 200-yearold dairy farm owned by Galen and Eileen Benner. (Tack on more kids for an extra $5 a head.)
Keep in mind, though, that this B&B is, well, cozier than most.
You’ll sleep in a guest room of their house, say grace before eating in their dining room (atheists, fake it!) and read the morning paper in their kitchen.
You will, in essence, be part of the family.
While there, you can fish in a stream, paddle a boat, ride a bike – or pitch in with the chores.
While no one will mind if you play the day away, you will earn respect by getting armpit sweat stains on your T-shirt and dirt under your nails.
Should you choose the chore route, early birds who wake up before 7 a.m. can snag a few eggs in the coop and bottle feed baby calves in the stalls.
Deborah Benner, one of Galen and Eileens daughters-in-law and a former New Yorkactress, will show you the ropes.
Wake up later, and cows and pails will be awaiting.
You haven’t lived until you’ve wrapped your fingers around a rubbery udder and jerked out milk – no bull.
Dale, Rocky Acre’s resident cow man – the one holding the bovine-sized pooper-scooper in the barn – will be there to demonstrate and instruct. Milkings are at 5 a.m. (skip that one), 1 p.m. and 9 p.m. If you happen to be around when a cow goes into labor, the Benners encourage your involvement.
“If you see legs hanging out of the mother, yank the calf out,” Mrs. Benner told me.
Once you’ve thoroughly washed your hands, you can get them dirty again feeding any number of animal species.
The farm has goats, cats, chickens and even a miniature pony, Cookie, who the kids can also ride.
The breakfast of smoked turkey bacon, fresh scrambled eggs and pancakes might be the best you’ll ever have.
Wrap up the stay with a relaxing tractor ride around the farm with Mr. Benner at the wheel.
Going 5 miles per hour will remind you that, despite that smell coming from the bottoms of your shoes, life can be momentarily peaceful.
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The lowdown
Stay: Rocky Acre Farm, located in Mount Joy, Pa., is just one of a handful of B&B’s participating in the farm stay program in Lancaster County. For reservations, call [717] 653-4449 or visit rockyacre.com. To learn
more about the program, visit the web site of the Lancaster County Convention and Visitors Bureau at
padutchcountry.com.