WHOEVER CBS picks to replace Dan Rather, they should make the announcement on Tom Brokaw’s last day on “Nightly News” next Wednesday.
That way, a big, fat chunk of Thursday’s newspaper space that would have been devoted to covering Tom’s tearful farewell will get sucked up by all the stories about CBS’s new anchorman.
But don’t hold your breath. A scheme like that would require a killer instinct that no one possesses these days at CBS News.
And anyway, CBS News officials are adamant they won’t name Rather’s successor until at least the beginning of next year, or maybe later, since Rather’s not leaving until March 9.
Maybe that will give them enough time to come up with some more imaginative candidates than the names being floated this week – John Roberts and Scott Pelley.
Roberts has long been considered the frontrunner to take over for Rather based on no discernible qualification other than his resemblance to Rather. The square-jawed Roberts looks like he could be Rather’s younger brother. And like Rather, Roberts is a cookie-cutter anchorman – in other words, a stiff.
As for Pelley, he’s only on the list so there would be a list. He’s toiled for years as a correspondent for CBS News, but as far as the average person is concerned, he’s a nobody.
For that matter, so is Roberts. What CBS News needs is a somebody, even if they have to go outside the company to find him (or her).
They should inquire if Diane Sawyer is satisfied waking up in the wee hours of the morning everyday to work on “GMA.” Hiring her would be a coup.
Or they could look to their own ranks and consider Lesley Stahl. She should be the top candidate for the anchor position – not John Roberts.
Or perhaps CBS would like to silence its critics once and for all about the news division’s perceived liberal biases by luring John Stossel from ABC. He’s a rather dashing fellow, and a libertarian too.
A more trendy selection would be Jon Stewart, since he frequently emphasizes that his “Daily Show” newscasts are not “real news” – just like CBS!
OK, that was a cheap shot. It was pure fantasy too – just like the speculation that CBS will not take the easiest possible path to replacing Rather by naming Roberts as soon as the ink dries on that internal report about the Texas National Guard story that hastened Rather’s exit.