THE Aristocrats” is one of the world’s dirtiest jokes – but it’s certainly not the funniest. “Everyone who hears it goes, ‘What?’ ” says comedian Bob Saget, one of the many stand-ups featured in “The Aristocrats,” a new documentary devoted to the old gag.
The film, directed by comedian Paul Provenza and produced by magician Penn Jillette, consists of interviews with just about every major comic you could think of – Drew Carey, Robin Williams, Andy Dick, Phyllis Diller, Whoopi Goldberg, Lewis Black, Chris Rock, George Carlin and more.
All of them, it turns out, have their own spin on the comedy bit that’s become an industry legend.
At essence, the joke is about a man trying to sell his family’s vaudeville act to a talent agent. The things these relatives do onstage are, to put it mildly, disgusting and triple-X rated.
At the end of the man’s lengthy and detailed description of their various specialties, the stunned talent agent asks what he calls the act. His answer?
“The Aristocrats!”
The joke’s true appeal lies not in its so-called punch line, but in the extended riff comics toss into the middle. Like a guitarist pealing off notes, they’ll improvise all the conceivable ways a family vaudeville act could be really, seriously raunchy.
Telling “The Aristocrats” has thus become a cherished tradition in the comedy community – a backstage bit comics generally perform just for each other, not audiences.
“It gives every comedian a chance to embroider the joke, to put their own personality into it,” explains veteran comedian Fred Willard. “It’s like passing a joke along at a party, the way it changes over time.”
Unfortunately, most of the ways it’s embellished are completely unprintable in a family newspaper – especially when it comes to reliably R-rated comics like George Carlin, Sarah Silverman and . . . Bob Saget.
“They said, ‘Be as dirty as you can be!'” insists Saget. “I commit to things when I do them.”
The former “Full House” star, long known for his off-color stand-up material, performs one of the film’s most jaw-dropping versions of the joke. But he says what really got him interested was its social relevance.
“What I’m fascinated by is how low a family would stoop to be in show business,” he says. “It’s a real comment on our world. Everybody wants to be on TV, to be in the movies. Would people actually do something like this? Maybe.”
(Though it must be noted, as one comedian in the movie points out, most of the acts featured in the best versions of the joke are highly illegal.)
There are a wide variety of interpretations: Kevin Pollack does an imitation of Christopher Walken telling the joke. Silverman describes her own personal experience as an Aristocrat. There’s even a mime version.
But the general consensus is that screechy-voiced comedian Gilbert Gottfried comes out on top.
He delivers his version at the Friar’s Club roast of Hugh Hefner, which took place very shortly after 9/11. Gottfried opens with some morbid observations that don’t go over well with the shell-shocked audience.
So instead he launches into an exceedingly grotesque take on “The Aristocrats” – which results in sorely needed, cathartic laughter among his colleagues.
“[Gottfried] is a true comic soldier,” Saget says admiringly.
“It’s phenomenal,” agrees Willard. “It’s like Lincoln delivering the Gettysburg Address!”
Gottfried, for his part, is pleased with his fellow comics’ assessment – “I take praise where I can get it,” he cracks – but, in true introverted comedian fashion, doesn’t seem to have paid much attention to the rest of the film.
“I’m, like, looking in my popcorn cup during most of the movie – until I hear my voice, and then I look up,” he says.
And if you’re wondering who to share your own popcorn with, Willard has a word of advice:
“The movie is buyer-beware. It’s not the kind of thing you would take your mom to see. She might find it funny – but you wouldn’t want to see it with her.”