‘YOU gotta have a gimmick.”
In the musical “Gypsy,” that was a song about strippers – but that’s hardly the only profession in the Naked City where the advice rings true.
With some 3,800 new food- service establishments bombarding New York yearly (and about the same number closing), a restaurant has to do something to grab the spotlight, whether it’s providing a Ninja waiter or a chair for a teddy bear.
Sometimes that something might seem to be nothing. Surely by now you’ve heard of La Esquina, the Lower East Side hot spot whose secret to success was literally keeping the place a “secret.” With no formal publicity, the entrance to the basement eatery – through an unmarked door inside the undistinguished taqueria upstairs – became the summer’s most coveted threshold for trendoids.
After dining-while-reclining at clubs like BED NY and Duvet, pizza by the inch at Pinch, and a $1,000 omelet at Norma’s, what will the city’s restaurateurs think of next?
From the cuisine that gave us tableside theatrics and conveyor-belt sushi comes Ninja, a Japanese import new to TriBeCa, with waiters who dress and act like Ninjas. Or at least they’re trying to.
The “magic” bridge its publicists promised would “descend across a fog-covered river leading guests to their tables” wasn’t working last weekend. Nor did Ninja warriors “spring up from hidden corners to surprise guests,” which may have saved unsuspecting diners from spewing their sake.
Elegant, silk-covered scrolls are ceremoniously unfurled to reveal a menu listing “Main” lobster and “foie grass.” But while some of the “new-style sushi” – eel with sweetened cream cheese, for instance – isn’t for the faint of heart, it’s the real thing, rolled by experts from Japan and served on artful ceramics and wood. As it should be, with tasting menus up to $200.
Kinks aside, Ninja is undeniably unique. The dimly lit labyrinth of stone-and-wood passages with private dining alcoves set behind dark lattice doors must be the only place in town where a server genuflects before your table.
There’s also enough head-bowing to please the pickiest emperor, and enough piped-in sounds of trickling water to inspire a trip to the loo – to which a Ninja merrily leads the way in crouching, spinning spurts.
Starbucks is one thing, but Galleria illy is many: a library, a theater and a university dedicated to deeper understanding of coffee and dessert. The Italian espresso specialists opened this sleek two-story space in SoHo last week, with a roster including artists, musicians and live performances of a piece by food celebrity David Rosengarten on the bean’s history, biology and chemistry, culminating in how to prepare the perfect espresso.
There’s also a three-week course, CoffeeSense, open to all, on coffee presentation and enjoyment. But if you think that will make you a pro, think again. The galleria’s University of Coffee course is a customized version of the training it provides at its headquarters in Trieste, Italy, and is offered only to the trade.
The quickest way to hone your espresso technique is at the café’s machines, coached by the staff. But better act fast: Galleria illy is open only until Dec. 15, when its lease runs out. Then it might move elsewhere, and while the company can’t say just where just now, it does say “they would certainly be places where food and culture IQ are higher than average.”
At Eat With Your Bear Hands Café, downstairs at Fifth Avenue’s new Build-A-Bear Workshop, wee ones and the adults with them snack on mini hot dogs, chicken nuggets and pizza strips – no utensils required. Mini clamp-on seats are available to accommodate the furry creatures kids stuff and dress themselves from the store’s enormous menagerie.
Anyone who’s ever bemoaned the tiny-taste trend should be simpatico with Plus. The Chelsea restaurant-cum-lounge is distancing itself from the ever-growing band of tapas slingers with “oversized appetizers.” Plus-sized specialties meant to thwart clubby pretensions include a 14-inch hamburger with matching bun (cut into wedges like a pie, it’s $28 and feeds four to six), mega-meatballs, and 22-ounce shakes served in the glow of a 54-foot fiber optic bar.
Awful art is on the menu at Pioneer Bar-B-Q and Beer Garden in Red Hook, Brooklyn. The year-old spot is tweaking its image with new items such as Frito-crusted salmon in honor of last week’s opening of its Museum of Bad Art (MoBA). The collection of crummy portraits, landscapes and such salvaged from trash bins and thrift stores was inspired by owner Alan Corey’s own less-than-stellar attempts at art.
We’ve tried pizza by the inch and pie by the pound, but are we ready for five-day pie? We’ll have to wait to taste the new style of pizza at Pala, opening in November on the Lower East Side. Talk is the “secret recipe” dough rises for five days before baking. Not only does this make it more delicious, the owners promise, but because it allows the crust to fully ferment before baking, it doesn’t expand in your stomach after eating it.
And here you were blaming the anchovies.
SIX SERVINGS OF FADDY FOODS
* Ninja, 25 Hudson St., at Duane Street; (212) 274-8500.
* Galleria illy, 382 West Broadway, at Broome Street; (877) 455-9347 or illyusa.com
* Eat With Your Bear Hands Café, 565 Fifth Ave., at 46th Street; (212) 871-7080, Ext. 8010 or buildabear.com
* Plus, 54 W. 21st St. between Fifth and Sixth avenues; (212) 989-0096
* Pioneer Bar-B-Q and Beer Garden, 318 Van Brunt St. at Pioneer Street, Red Hook, Brooklyn; (718) 624-0700, pioneerbarbq.com
* Pala, 198 Allen St.; (212) 614-7252 (opening in November).