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January 10, 2006

THE PERVERSE LOGIC THAT PUSHED DOW OVER 11,000

HALLELUJAH, 11,000! Now watch out below. Wall Street thought the employment report last Friday was so bad that it was worth pushing the Dow above the 11,000 level for the...

WEST SIDE TECH STORY

IN a pair of relocations that suggest interesting reverse parallels, the world's oldest English-language publisher is moving to one of the city's highest-tech buildings, while one of the world's cutting-edge...

SUPER DROLL; GAME'S ADVERTISERS AIM FOR LAUGH ZONE

Super Bowl advertisers believe there's one way to score big with audiences: go for the laughs. This year, marketers hawking products from cell phone service to household cleaners are all...

BALLY BOSSES BEG SHAREHOLDERS FOR SUPPORT

Bally Total Fitness Corp. asked investors for support as the troubled health-club chain approaches the final days of its battle with two hedge funds. In a letter released yesterday, Chicago-based...

SAKS CHANGE; SHAKE-UP FALLS SHORT, SOME SHAREHOLDERS SAY

Saks Inc. said yesterday that R. Brad Martin, the architect of the company's ill-fated expansion, would relinquish his role as chief executive, paving the way for his hand-picked successor to...

PUBLISHER IN W. SIDE STORY

IN a pair of relocations that suggest interesting reverse parallels, the world's oldest English-language publisher is moving to one of the city's highest-tech buildings, while one of the world's cutting-edge...

WILD THINGS; NEW 'SURVIVORS' INCLUDE ASTRONAUT

'SURVIVOR" has added some island-hopping to its mix of backstabbing strategy. Contestants booted off the upcoming "Survivor: Panama - Exile Island" will be banished to a separate island, miles away...

'SOUTH PARK' DEFENDS 'BLOODY' CUT

COMEDY Central says religious groups are prematurely claiming victory in a battle over a recent episode of "South Park." In the controversial episode of the racy animated show - titled...

WHO DIES?

A senseless slaughter will bring "24" commando Jack Bauer back from the dead. Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) went into hiding at the end of last season after convincing the world he...

FUTURE TENSE - NOT ENOUGH HOURS IN THE DAY TO HOLD SUPERCHARGED '24'

"24" Sunday night at 8 on Fox/Ch. 5 4 STARS Believe it or not, this season "24" turns 100. Or more accurately, this season (which is Season Five - yes...

STARR REPORT

Grant gone Friday WOR's Bob Grant made official yesterday what The Post's John Mainelli re ported exclusively Dec. 14 - that he's leaving the station this Friday. "Effective at 6:00...

BROADWAY ENGAGED IN 'WEDDING' PLANS

WHO needs Adam Sandler when you've got . . . Stephen Lynch? So say the folks who are bringing "The Wedding Singer" to Broadway. Veteran producer Margo Lion - whose...

'SWAN' DIVE SET TO SCORE FEW POINTS

SWAN LAKE New York City Ballet, at New York State Theater, Lincoln Center; (212) 870-5570. Season runs through Feb. 26. PETER Martins' full-evening "Swan Lake" is something of an odd...

WILD NIGHT - THE PARTY STARTS LATE IN MADRID

IT was 9:30 p.m and well over 40 hours since I last slept, thanks to an 11-hour flight from New York to London to Madrid. (And to an ill-mannered toddler...

THE BENEFACTOR - N.Y. FASHION MOURNS ITS TASTEMAKER

The first time Kal Ruttenstein visited Zac Posen's studio, the wunderkind designer was so scared, he hid behind a door. As the fashion director of Bloomingdale's, Ruttenstein had the power...

CHENEY IN HEALTH SCARE

WASHINGTON - Vice President Dick Cheney went to the hospital at 3 a.m. after suffering shortness of breath, and left after about four hours, but aides said the incident had...

'MURDER' BY BOW AND ARROW; L.I. HUNTER SHOOTS SHAFT THROUGH NEIGHBOR: COPS

A deranged deer hunter who stalked his prey using a powerful compound bow inexplicably fired a razor-tipped arrow into his neighbor's chest, killing the young father of three, Long Island...

WE'VE GOT NO DEATH PENALTY - NOW THAT'S CRIMINAL

IT WAS a cop killers' day - or should we give lice the benefit of the doubt and call it an alleged cop killers' day? In The Bronx and Brooklyn...

SKYLER NAMED MIKE'S DEPUTY

Ed Skyler, who has served as Mayor Bloomberg's press secretary since he took office, got a promotion yesterday, becoming deputy mayor for administration. At 32, Skyler - who worked in...

VALERY CUSTODY BATTLE RAGES ON

Valery Lozada, the 4-year-old found wandering the streets of Middle Village, Queens, in September after her mother was murdered, will have to wait until at least May to learn who...

TOASTING HIS HEALTH; HOPE & RAGE AS ARIEL BREATHES, MOVES

JERUSALEM - While dozens of masked Palestinian gunmen burned his picture in the Gaza Strip, Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon gave the first signs yesterday that he may survive his...

PIRRO 'FIRES' AIDE WHO PAID SELF BIG BUCKS

ALBANY - The 29-year-old manager of Jeanine Pirro's now-defunct Senate campaign was fired amid revelations he paid himself $16,000 a month, a source close to Pirro told The Post yesterday....

DON'T BE SO !@#$ NICE, HOWARD!

HOWARD STERN has done the impossible. He's turned me into a nice person. Well, nicer. Please. Make him stop. At an hour in which this city is normally safe only...

OWW-NOLD KEEPS STIFF UPPER LIP

LOS ANGELES - Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, his lip swollen from a motorcycle spill, vowed yesterday he won't leave the fast lane. California's leading man, smiling through 15 stitches in his...

BODY PARTS FOUND IN JERSEY PARK

Four garbage bags containing human body parts were discovered over the weekend in a secluded area of a park, police said yesterday. The bags, located within 100 yards of each...

NYPD DAILY BLOTTER

BROOKLYN *** An ex-con, recently released from prison after 12 years, was arrested for slashing a livery driver in the face during a robbery, authorities said yesterday. George Synodinos, 38,...

TEEN HELD IN SLAY OF SCHLOMY

A 17-year-old boy was charged yesterday with tying up, strangling and robbing a male hustler who specialized in erotic massage, then setting his apartment on fire to cover up the...

WORLD SHARES ITS 9/11 GRIEF IN PICTURES AND POEMS

With words from the heart, poems and a stirring photo, people yesterday began sharing on the Internet their memories and thoughts about 9/11 with us - and with generations to...

NFL REVEALS PLAN TO STIFF-ARM LEVITRA AND NOT RE-UP

The NFL announced yesterday that it does not plan to renew its $6 million-a-year sponsorship deal with Levitra and that it has no interest in signing on with Cialis, Viagra...

CHURCH-MILK SOURPUSS; WHINES AT 500G BOND

Four alleged scammers accused of swiping $2 million in milk money earmarked for New York's Catholic schoolkids pleaded not guilty yesterday and were released on bail. Suspect Joseph DeRusso 59,...

HERE COME DA GRUDGE; ALITO SUPREMELY SERENE ON DAY 1 IN SENATE AS DEMS READY FOR BATTLE

WASHINGTON - Speaking in a quiet, humble voice, Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito yesterday said a good judge "can't have any agenda" as his Senate confirmation hearings kicked off. The...

BIG 'LIES' IN WRITER'S 'LITTLE PIECES' BEST-SELLING MEMOIR BLASTED AS FICTION

Last year's biggest-selling nonfiction book, "A Million Little Pieces," has been ripped to shreds. Author James Frey "wholly fabricated or wildly embellished" such details as spending three months behind bars...

FAREWELL TO SAGO MINERS

Three West Virginia mineworkers were laid to rest yesterday, and two others were waked - as the Senate scheduled hearings into the Sago mine tragedy that killed 12 men. At...

'SORRY' FERRY SKIPPER GETS 18 MOS. IN JAIL

A judge yesterday threw the book at the captain of the doomed Staten Island ferry, sentencing him to 18 months behind bars after he took full responsibility for the 2003...

WINDOW TINT HINT IN 1989 SLAY

The suspect in a 15-year-old Queens murder was caught because his truck windows were improperly tinted, prosecutors said yesterday. Nelson Diaz, 35, went on trial yesterday in the cold-case 1989...

BUS DRIVER AIDS IN BUST

A Queens bus driver helped cops nab a serial robber who had been terrorizing Flushing residents for nearly three months, law-enforcement officials said yesterday. Darrel Cordes, 39, was arrested Sunday...

MIRACULOUS MIDTOWN ESCAPE

Firefighters rescue one of four construction workers trapped yesterday when the first floor of a four-story Midtown building collapsed into the basement. The four plunged 15 feet when the floor...

STRIPPER SLAY DIARY

He had to save her from sin - by slashing her throat. A personal trainer charged with slaughtering his stripper girlfriend in her Upper East Side apartment admitted his sadistic...

BITTER 'EYE CANDY'; WOMEN FILE $1.4B SEX-BIAS SUIT VS. BANK

Six female employees filed a $1.4 billion class- action discrimination lawsuit against a German investment bank yesterday, claiming their bosses were more interested in them as honey-makers than moneymakers. The...

GRAFFITI ARTIST 'KIKO' INDICTED

One of the city's most notorious graffiti artists has been tagged with a 30-count indictment that could have him writing nothing but letters - from prison - for up to...

DAD'S 'HIT' ORDER; MOB BIG'S SON KILLED BUDDY AFTER G-MAN'S TIP: AFFIDAVIT

Acting on a tip from his FBI handler, Colombo crime family capo Greg Scarpa Sr. ordered his teenage son to kill his best buddy, according to an explosive affidavit filed...

SURVIVORS 'DEALING WITH A LIFE SENTENCE'

It's not enough. That's how Kathy Healy felt moments after hearing that the man behind the Staten Island ferry crash that killed her husband, John, had been sentenced to 18...

DYING OFFICERS HELPED NAB OWN SLAYER

An ex-con gunned down two NYPD detectives at close range - but his escape was thwarted by the heroic actions of the dying cops, a prosecutor said yesterday in opening...

TEACHER FUNDS LOOTED; 'ID-THEFT INSIDER'

The futures of thousands of city public-school teachers were put at risk by an insider at the New York City Teachers' Retirement System - who allegedly conspired with bumbling identity...

DYING WIFE: MY HUSBAND STABBED ME

As she lay bleeding to death in her Upper East Side kitchen, the younger wife of an aging real-estate mogul pointed to her blood-splattered husband, and gasped to a cop,...

SWANK MARRIAGE LAID LOWE; OSCAR-WINNER DIVORCING CHAD

"Million Dollar Baby" star Hilary Swank's marriage is down for the count. The two-time Oscar winner and her limelight-challenged hubby, Chad Lowe, yesterday announced that they were splitting after eight...

SWANK MARRIAGE LAID LOWE; OSCAR-WINNER & HUBBY CHAD ARE SPLITTING UP

"Million Dollar Baby" star Hilary Swank's marriage is down for the count. The two-time Oscar-winner and her limelight-challenged hubby, Chad Lowe, yesterday announced that they were splitting after eight years...

TOUSSAINT PACT PUSH

Roger Toussaint, the president of Transit Workers Union Local 100, was grilled by 400 of the group's members in Brooklyn last night as he feverishly campaigned to get a controversial...

WHY I KILLED STRIPPER BEAUTY - BOYFRIEND'S SECRET MURDER DIARY

He had to save Catherine Woods (top) from sin - by slashing her throat. Personal trainer Paul Cortez (above),charged with slaughtering his stripper girlfriend in her Upper East Side apartment,...

KIDS' FLU DEATHS SPUR CITY ALERT

Two young children in the city have died recently from flu-related illnesses, The Post has learned. Pediatricians said they had just received alerts from the city Health Department notifying them...

SEX FIEND RAPES MAID IN W HOTEL

A young housekeeper at the posh W hotel in Midtown was beaten unconscious and brutally raped in a utility closet just feet from guest rooms early yesterday morning, police said....

COPS JAM COURT; ACTOR & 'KILLER' PAL PLEAD NOT GUILTY

"Sopranos" actor and suspected cop killer Lillo Brancato Jr. had a bad premiere in court yesterday, despite having a captive audience - a room packed with angry cops. He entered...

PAY CUT'S TOLL ON POLICE CADETS

The number of NYPD cadets sworn in yesterday was 25 percent below the department's target, a possible result of the new police contract that slashed the starting pay for rookies....

CYCLIST KILLED ON CITY ISLAND

A Bronx man riding a bicycle was hit by a car and killed yesterday on City Island, police said. Ivan Morales, 61, was struck as he rode along Shore Road...

INMATE-PUNCH JAILER BUSTED

A veteran correction officer, caught on tape punching an inmate during a scuffle on Rikers Island, was arrested yesterday. Joseph Collins, 42, was unprovoked by the inmate, the city Department...

DRUNK INJURES 2 IN S.I. HORROR CRASH

Two people were injured when a drunk driver slammed into another car on Staten Island early today, police said. The horrific accident happened at the intersection of Woodrow Road and...

COPS JAM COURT - ACTOR & 'KILLER' PAL LEAD NOT GUILTY

"Sopranos" actor Lillo Brancato Jr. and his cohort were arraigned yesterday on charges they murdered a cop, and pleaded not guilty under the glare of the victim's family and a...

MAYOR VOWS TO KEEP COPS SAFE

Mayor Bloomberg swore in a new class of NYPD recruits yesterday with a promise to keep them safe in the wake of the shooting deaths of two of New York's...

CALL TO BOOST VACCINATIONS AS 2 CITY CHILDREN DIE FROM FLU

Two young children in the city have died recently from flu-related illnesses, The Post has learned. Pediatricians said they had just received alerts from the city Health Department notifying them...

GOP'ED OFF AT HASTERT

WASHINGTON - An upstate Republican has rocked the boat by suggesting that House GOPers vote on whether to keep or bounce Speaker Dennis Hastert in the wake of the Jack...

BLACKLEDGE OFF TO ESPN

Todd Blackledge is leaving CBS to become a college football analyst for ESPN, The Post has learned. Blackedge, who had worked CBS' SEC schedule with Verne Lundquist, is expected to...

GIANT REPORT CARD - AWFUL WAY TO END

QUARTERBACKS Question: How will Eli Manning (10 of 18, 113 yards, 3 INTs) han dle his first playoff start? Answer: Not very well. He'll get better because he can't get...

TITANIC TURNABOUT; STEPH'S REBIRTH SHIPS KNICKS IN NEW DIRECTION

CLEVELAND - New York City has its basketball team back again. Infused with new life by the stunning transformation of point guard Stephon Marbury as an on-court leader, the Knicks...

STIRLING KNOWS AX MAY FALL

For an Islanders team in complete freefall, a team with three wins in 12 games and a coach with essentially one foot out the door, there was surprisingly little different...

LEWIS TALKING TO SUITORS

GIANT NOTES One day after the Giants were eliminated from the playoffs, defensive coordinator Tim Lewis began the interview process, as he was expected to speak with the Lions, Packers...

NETS FACE TOUGH TRIP

SAN ANTONIO - The first 10 were easy. Now comes the hard part. The world champion Spurs. At home. After a loss. Hey, the Nets have seen tougher assignments. But...

THIS BRADWAY SHOW'S A FLOP; GANG GREEN IN TERRY-BLE SHAPE

THE longer Terry Bradway kept talking yesterday, the deeper he sank into quicksand. You know the old saying about how the lawyer who defends himself has a fool for a...

SYKORA FEELS RIGHT AT HOME AS BLUESHIRT

Petr Sykora skated as a Ranger for the first time yesterday, but he didn't feel like a typical newcomer. The 29-year-old forward whom the Blueshirts traded for on Sunday is...

METS PROMOTE KID

Gary Carter was named manager of the Mets' high-A minor league affiliate in Port St. Lucie, Fla., yesterday. Last year, while managing in the Gulf Coast League - a Mets...

TITANIC TURNABOUT; STEPH'S REBIRTH TURNS KNICKS' SINKING SHIP TOWARD NEW DIRECTION

CLEVELAND - New York City has its basketball team back again. Infused with new life by the stunning transformation of point guard Stephon Marbury as an on-court leader, the Knicks...

LOU COULD MOVE SOON

Today would be the logical time to bring in the new coach, giving him three days to work his magic before the Devils' next game against Vancouver Friday. It could...

CLUELESS GM IN SPIN CYCLE

Yesterday provided yet another chapter of bizarro world moments in Jets' history. Early in the afternoon on Long Island, you had Jets GM Terry Bradway finally surfacing from behind the...

'RAPT' ATTENTION - BOSH & CO. ARE OPENING EYES

THE 10-in-a-row Nets are playing so well, I did a double-take to make sure Bye-Ron Scott hadn't been fired the day before the run started. Before Vince Carter's 42-point detonation...

CAVS' MALONE: KNICKS STIFFED ME

KNICK NOTES CLEVELAND - Cavaliers assistant coach Mike Malone, the lone Knicks staffer not retained by Larry Brown when he took over as head coach last summer, said he had...

LOU & CO. FLYIN'

Devils 3Flyers 0 They trashed the high-flying Flyers, these Devils who are looking for a coach, looking over their shoulders at the GM in what started as emergency mode. Today...

FORDHAM: DIGS NOT WORTH HILL OF BEANS

Fordham 78Penn 63 Fordham athletic director Frank McLaughlin signed Bob Hill to a 10-year, $2.5 million contract in 1999, hoping to rejuvenate a program that had fallen on hard times...

RAMS' VITT IN JET MIX

Joe Vitt, who did an admirable job as the Rams' interim coach when Mike Martz fell ill this season, is so amped about his interview with Jet GM Terry Bradway...

EAGER ELI OPTIMISTIC DESPITE SUNDAY SWOON

His voice, usually a flat monotone, contained a bit more resonance, his words delivered slightly more forcefully. Almost as if Eli Manning was attempting to put the "first-year starter" label...

JINTS PICKING UP THE PIECES - TIKI BACKTRACKS ON COMMENTS ABOUT COUGHLIN

Tiki backtracks on comments about Coughlin The two sat together yesterday morning, Tom Coughlin and Tiki Barber in a darkened room, the tape rolling of Sunday's abominable 23-0 playoff loss...

HALL, YEAH! PUT THESE GUYS IN COOPERSTOWN, I SAY!

Put these guys in Cooperstown, I say! AT 2 p.m. today the world gets to see how wrong I am. Such is the beauty of baseball writing - everybody thinks...

KING JAMES SOUNDS OFF ON BROWN

KNICK NOTES CLEVELAND - Knicks coach Larry Brown was LeBron James' boss in Athens during the 2004 Olympics and came close to being his superior again last spring. During the...

WEIRD BUT TRUE

Love me tender, or I'm gone! That was the threat Jim Curtin's girlfriend made, when she told him either his Elvis Presley memorabilia goes or she does. Her warning got...