I DON’T know where it started, who started it, or why. Maybe, with the inven tion of radio then TV, the language of sportswriters became the language of sportscasters. But it’s a language not spoken – not normally spoken – outside of sportscasting.
That’s because normal people don’t normally speak that way; only sportscasters, on the air, speak in sportscaster. Anywhere else and by anyone else, it’s considered crazy talk.
Sportscasters use words, terms and phrases you’d only use to imitate a sportscaster or to let friends and family know that you’ve gone nuts.
Start with the word “deficit,” spoken in a sports context only by sportscasters and only when on the air. Off the air, they, too, never would use the word in a sports context, or they’d dine alone.
Say you were at a ballgame and you missed a half-inning to go to the men’s room. You return and ask the fellow seated next to you what happened. He responds: “While you were away, the Mets were able to overcome a two-run deficit to knot the game at two apiece.”
Guaranteed, you’d think that fellow is a bit off, perhaps even a serial murderer. And you’d avoid speaking to him the rest of the game.
Yet that’s the way sportscasters have spoken to us all of our lives. They can’t say, “The Yanks came back from two runs down.” They have to say, “The Yanks overcame a two-run deficit.”
CBS’ Greg Gumbel is one of my favorite people, personally and professionally. We’ve spoken for hours, about music, sports, kids. But not once, during our conversations, has he said the word “stellar.”
Off the air, he’d say, “The Lions have been playing good defense.” He’d certainly never say, “The Lions have played stellar defense,” because that would mean he had lost his mind and wants me to have that exclusive, “CBS’ Gumbel Loses Mind.”
But on the air, for some conditioned sportscaster reason, Gumbel uses the word “stellar.” Yep, those Buckeyes “continue to play stellar defense.” Stell-arrr!
Stellar and deficit are just two words sportscasters regularly use but only while on the air, otherwise their loved ones would worry. “Yeoman” and “host” are two others.
If you were watching a game and were moved to say that Jones, the left tackle, has been playing well, and the fellow next to you replied, “Yes, game in, game out, Jones has been turning in yeoman-like performances,” you wouldn’t say another word to that guy, would you? You’d think he’s crazy, wouldn’t you? After all, not even a yeoman would say that.
But sportscasters use “yeoman” and “yeoman-like” all the time. Apparently because they can’t help it.
And on the air, sportscasters use two forms of “host” that normal folks never use in normal conversation.
So you’re walking your dog, you run into the new neighbor, you start talking sports, and he says, “The Knicks have suffered a host of injuries.” Well, you’re going to surmise your new neighbor is, at best, odd.
But sportscasters say “host of injuries” all the time.
And if that same new neighbor said, “I’m going to be on hand at Shea, tomorrow night, when the Mets host the Brewers,” well, that would do it. Host of injuries? Be on hand? Host the Brewers? What if he’s a gun collector?
“Phyllis, I think our new neighbor is deeply troubled, major issues.”
“What makes you think that?”
“Well, I just bumped into him outside and he talks like a sportscaster.”
Then what if your wife says, “He might be a little different, but you’ve got to tip your cap to him; he has done yeoman-like work with his front yard.” Then you’ve entered the Twilight Zone.
John Flaherty, by the way, on Yankees YES telecasts, keeps saying, “You’ve got to tip your cap,” to opposing players. He has to stop saying that. He just has to. That’s fingernails across the chalkboard.
Every sport has its own on-air-only language. Within a golf telecast, a sportscaster can’t simply say, “Vijay Singh has the lead.” Nope, you’ve got to say, “Vijay Singh sits atop the leaderboard.”
But if you walked into a grill room at a golf course, nodded toward the golf that’s appearing on the TV over the bar, asked a stranger what’s going on, and that fellow said, “Vijay Singh sits atop the leaderboard,” you wouldn’t sit anywhere near that man, would you? That man just spoke to me in sportscaster; he’s nuts.
So you call your friend, ask him if he wants to play in the morning. He says, “Can’t, I’m nursing a host of injuries,” you’d figure those injuries begin with the one to his head.
“Phyllis, I’m worried about Charley. He just spoke to me in sportscaster, again. Something’s wrong. He just called Martin Brodeur a netminder. He actually said, ‘netminder,’ and he wasn’t kidding around.”