MARIE OSMOND got all dolled up, but went nowhere last night on “Dancing with the Stars.”
If she was the sentimental favorite to win it all going into last night’s final dance-off, then she likely blew her chances with an ill-chosen “free-style” dance routine in which she was costumed as a living doll.
Intending to ape the behavior of a rigid wind-up toy, Marie came on stage and, to the tune of the Rolling Stones song “Start Me Up,” staggered woodenly through her routine while her partner, Jonathan Roberts, tried to keep her on her feet.
The failed routine was panned by the judges.
“This is the loopiest thing I’ve ever seen!” declared the excitable Bruno Tonioli, no doubt echoing the thoughts of everyone watching at home. “It defies criticism! It’s like Baby Jane and the Bride of Chucky! How can I criticize it? It’s not a dance!”
“I’m a doll designer! Come on!” countered Marie, making the second reference of the evening to her current career as a designer of wide-eyed, apple-cheeked porcelain dolls prized by collectors (or so she says).
Her doll-faced dance routine earned the lowest scores of the evening from the three judges – a 7 (out of a possible 10) from Tonioli, a 7 from Len Goodman and an 8 from Carrie Ann Inaba.
Unless her fans rallied to support her in the over night voting following last night’s show, Marie will likely lose to ei ther of the two other finalist couples when the “Dancing” champs are finally crowned at the con clusion of tonight’s two- hour finale (starting at 9 p.m. on ABC). Who’ll win? That’s anybody’s Guess, since Melanie “Mel B.” Brown danced with her fellow Spice Girls cheering for her and her partner, Maksim Chmerkov skiy. And Indy champ Helio Cas troneves and his partner, Julianne Hough, wowed the crowd with a “jive” routine to the tune of “Let’s Twist Again.”