Hondo fell a length further back last week, but don’t cry for him, HondoNation. No, save your empathy for Serby, the defending champ, who has fallen on hard times as he languishes in the BG basement. In fact, if you see Steve moping around town, you might want to try to cheer him up with a pat on the back or a few kind words.
Eagles over Giants: Eli seems to play well in the freewheeling no-huddle. Naturally, Tommy Tight-Butt says there’ll be none of that unless absolutely necessary, proving again that as the stakes rise late in the season, Tommy Tight-Butt’s tight butt gets tighter and tighter. It’s basic cause and effect.
Browns over Jets: While Brett Favre finished first in the voting for Sportsman of the Year, Hondo hears The Ugly Jet Fan, who cheered for Chad’s injury and lately has turned some areas of Giants Stadium into a strip club, finished down in the Michael Vick and Tim Donaghy area of the voting. By the way, dress warmly for Sunday’s game; it’s going to be nippy, especially at Gate (Double) D.
Panthers over Jaguars: Hondo, like most, is looking forward to the upcoming warm and fuzzy Christmas specials on TV, classics such as “It’s a Wonderful Life,” “Frosty the Snowman,” “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” as well as new shows like “Teddy the Red-Nosed Senator” and “Larry The Pervert With The Wide Stance.”
Cowboys over Lions: With games left against Dallas, San Diego, Kansas City and Green Bay, the best the Lions can hope for is 7-9, which would be the most wins they’ve had in the seven-year Matt Millen Era. How is it that this man’s chestnuts haven’t been roasted on an open fire yet?
Bills over Dolphins: What a week for red-hot Frank Ibbetson of Otterkill CC, who not only hit with the Chargers last week but also posted a rare win on the golf course. This week, he’s designating the Bills as his 4-Star, Fabtastic, TripleSuperDuper, MegaMoney, InstaBigBucks, Double-Up, Get-Even, Raid-The-Kids’-Education-Fund Play Of The Week.
Raiders over Packers: It looked as if the zebras in Saturday night’s West Virginia-Pitt game earned their stripes at the Donaghy Referee School.
Steelers over Patriots: First there was the UPS guy who lost his job because of Irritable Bowel Syndrome, now comes the NYC transit worker who has lost her job because of the dreaded IBS. Seems as if the disease has just about wrecked ’em.
Chargers over Titans: Please forgive Hillary for lashing out at Obama this week. As her poll numbers dive, her Irritable Pantsuit Syndrome flares up.
Rams over Bengals: Hillary made the claim this week that back in the ’90s (when she was a housewife), “We created millions of new jobs.” That may be true, but they were mostly in the legal profession, as more and more lawyers were needed to defend her and Bill.
Bucs over Texans: In this week’s “Reflections From The Recliner” column, Mike “L’il Him” Lupica wasted a full page comparing Rudy and Hillary’s plunge in the polls to the Mets collapse. Nothing says you’re in over your head with a political column like resorting to a lame sports analogy.
Cardinals over Seahawks: Mr. Aitch never seems to get the Cards right, so he suggests you go with the Seahawks.
Vikings over 49ers: Mr. Aitch’s first grand nephew, Jack Frye, a frisky 8.2-pounder, exited the womb recently in London, much to the joy of his parents, Dave and Alina. They weren’t the only delighted Londoners – singer Amy Winehouse was so happy about the birth she took off her shirt and ran down the street crying.
Chiefs over Broncos: Travis Henry won his appeal and won’t be suspended by the NFL for a positive pot test. However, that’s a doubled-edged sword for the World’s Most Fertile Running Back, who gets to play, but had been looking forward to spending time with his families, all nine of them.
Ravens over Colts: Serendipity 3 has reopened after being closed for nearly a month because of bug and rodent issues. They say the Chocolate Mouse is especially tasty.
Saints over Falcons: 5-7 vs. 3-9 in a prime-time thriller. Let’s hope Kornheiser is on his game as he was Monday night when late in the fourth quarter, he proclaimed that if Baltimore was to win the game, it would be because of its defense. “What is he,” asks e-mailer Warren Tuttle, “a reverse-Nostradamus?”
BEST BETS: Chargers, Bills, Saints.
LAST NIGHT: Bears.