FEELING like a big fat loser this holiday season?
Just remember: It could be worse.
You could be – cue eerie yet sexy yet Christmas-ymusic – the Other Woman!
“Holidays are typically very hard for the OtherWoman,” says one of the most vocal “Other Women” in the world, 37-year-old Sarah J. Symonds, author of “Having an Affair? A Handbook for The ‘Other
Woman,'” originally self-published as a form of revenge and recently picked up by Random House. “It reminds you that it is the end of the year and he still hasn’t done anything to change his circumstances. But hope is a very powerful emotion.”
So chin up, ladies – no matter how ho-ho-homicidal you feel this holiday season, there is a bright side.
“Whatever evil, whatever revenge you would wish on the Other Woman, you could not make it worse for her than the situation she is already in at the holidays,” says Regina Barreca, professor of English literature and feminist theory at the University of Connecticut and author of “Babes in Boyland.”
Other Women are often alone this time of year, sweatpantsclad, frequently drunk, potentially enraged to have rented “Fatal Attraction” yet again instead of shelling out the $20 just to finally own the DVD once and for all. No matter how you paint it, it’s not a pretty picture.
Of course, an OW (get hip to the cheating lingo) like Symonds sees this as a time to cash in. (See her book’s chapter 11: “Surviving Christmas as a Mistress.”)
Symonds doesn’t judge whether being an OW is a good or bad thing, but she does want OWs to know what the score is. Her bottom line: “I teach women how to get out of an affair – or to get the most out of an affair.”
She now hosts a radio show for Karma Air, runs havinganaffairthebook.com, and is watching her popularity skyrocket since a recent “Oprah” appearance, with her brand only building. Look forward to the possibility of a “Having an Affair” TV show, fragrance and wine.
Her No. 1 message to the lovelorn? Know that married men will do and say anything – especially during the holidays.
” ‘If only I’d met you years ago’ to an emotionally needy woman sounds like a hugely flattering line,” she says. “It becomes, ‘I wish I was waking up with you on Christmas Day.’
“Remember: It’s never going to happen.”
And she should know. She’s heard the worst tales, from men faking divorce papers to . . . well, yeah, that’s pretty much the worst story.
“People have no idea the depth that these guys will sink to,” she says. “My married man called to have phone sex with me while the wife was embalming her mother.”
Just like we all dreamed about as little girls playing with our Barbies, right?
“Christmas is a little harder as there are a lot of events I would like to be able to take him to,” writes a 40-something woman who posts to the gloryb.com discussion board. “He is very good to me on my birthday and Valentine’s . . . It’s not ideal, but it is love.”
Disagrees 34-year-old Elizabeth, “Holidays are actually not hard at all. If anything, they are easier for us. Being that his family is gone a lot during their holiday shopping and visiting extended family, it allows us more time to be together.”
Paranoid yet?
“The holidays are all about family,” writes Cybergwen, who runs otherwomanguide.blogspot.com, “and obviously, when you are dating a MM, that leaves you out in the cold.”
Explains 40-year-old Jill, “If you are single, like me, you are left sitting at home on Christmas Day while he is playing happy daddy and hubby to the in-laws . . . I get presents, but he always has that look in his eye that maybe he spent too much on me.”
Why not give the last word to Sharon? She’s a cuckolded poster on a rival site, which she says “is the other side of the story.” Lurking on Internet message boards detailing the Other Woman’s plight has been the best form of therapy.
“I can read there and learn exactly what these pond scum go through every day, every holiday. I cheer inside every time one of them gets thrown under the bus or complains of sitting at home alone on a Saturday night drinking Mad Dog and pining for her MM.”
So there you have it, cheaters. And to all a good night!