Well, crochety old Scrooge McBravo sure screwed us all this holiday. Boo Bravo. Why must you deny me a bright, shiny new episode of Project Runway to watch while I feebly attempt that most hated of Christmas rituals – the wrapping of the gifts? And on the night before my first Post blog?
You should know that being a long-time watcher/first-time blogger of Project Runway, I find this Season 4 to be pretty “eh” thus far. It seems to be getting better, though, which is why you should keep watching.
Since there’s nothing new to chat about, let’s kick this off with a bang-up recap of the first two episodes of the season. If you haven’t had the chance to watch, for whatever reason, don’t fret. You’re forgiven. We’ll have you all caught up by the time the next new episode rolls around, so sit tight.
Episode 1 â “Sew Us What You Got”
At Parsons, its time to make it work. Carmen’s stressing under the time pressures. “It’s so overwhelming,” and in case that was unclear, “it’s like a smorgasbord.” It’s the Shoney’s challenge! Will she have the pizza or the fried chicken?
Elisa is making a “mythical” cascading waterfall magical mystery tour of a dress. The Cockatiel calls Elisa a strange Himalayan or something similar. Jack the Looker gets positive feedback concerning his caboose. The Cockatiel refuses to go into the fear box. Or any other box for that matter.
The contestants are assigned models to sport their garments on the runway. Elisa “hand measures” her model, which comes across as being a bit pervy, but that’s just wacky Elisa. Simone is running behind on time, so rather than add a zipper to her dress, she just sews her model into it.
This week’s challenge is to design an outfit for a fashion icon. Oh, the speculation runs rampant. Who will it be? Madonna? Britney? Brace yourselves, as Tim says. It’s Sarah Jessica Parker. Get. OUT! Cue waterworks. The designers are floored, some are crying and all are making faces usually reserved for the bedroom. Turns out SJP (um, we’re tight?) has an inexpensive fashion line called Bitten that is sold at Steve and Barry’s stores all across this great nation. The challenge is to design a two-piece outfit for less than $40 retail, which translates to $15 worth of magic beans. “Fashion shouldn’t be a luxury, and quality shouldn’t be a privilege,” quoth SJP. Such a wise sage. Chris wonders if he’ll be forced to design an outfit out of toilet paper, but you know we’re not that lucky. Everyone will sketch and then the designers with the top 7 designs, as chosen by SJP, will pair up with the 7 other losers in teams of two.
Sigh. Ricky has begun to cry. Readers, this is just the start of this cry-me-a-river ferryboat journey with Ricky, so welcome aboard. Ricky doubts himself, and he’s not sure if he will cut the mustard, if you will. Some other nonsense. He gets it together eventually and professes, “I can do this!” Of course you can, sweetheart.
The sketches are complete and its time for the designers to make their pitches to SJP. In general, everyone is beyond nervous. HeteroKevin even scampers away in total disregard of SJP’s outstretched spindly hand. Elisa has made a polymorphic dress, and if my high school Latin serves me correctly, this means “schizo dress.” It somehow works for SJP, as she chooses Elisa’s design, as well as those by Kit, Victorya, Marion, Ricky, Christian and Rami. And ta-da, there’s another surprise! The winner of the challenge may have his or her outfit sold at Steve & Barry’s stores nationwide! Wow. That could be a really great prize, maybe. The first reader to post a comment to this blog may win a salad spinner. We’ll see. Best of luck to you.
Marion picks chill Steve as his partner so as to avoid drama. Everyone is paired off, and poor Sweet P. is stuck with Elisa, who begins to hand measure her. But hold up â did Elisa just spit onto the fabric? To mark the dress? With actual saliva? It’s too much for Sweet P., who gives her a big WTF. See, this enables Elisa to add her “energy and essence” to the garment. She will henceforth be known as the Spitter. Oh dear, Ricky’s crying again. It doesn’t really matter why.
Tim is making his rounds and checking out the progress. When he gets to the Spitter and Sweet P., he marvels at the oddity that is the Spitter, especially at her brashness about her um, technique. Some less interesting dialogue with the other contestants ensues, and thenâ¦
It’s showtime! Rather than go through all the outfits, let’s just say that there were lots of leggings and lots of roomy silhouettes, except maybe for Marion and Steven, who designed a dress for the Pocahontas collection, and Christian and Carmen, whose dress was skin-tight and remarkably unflattering.
SJP is, of course, on the standard judges panel. The Spitter’s expectorating habits are revealed when the judges ask about the pairing of Sweet P. and the Spitter. Heidi says, yeah, don’t tell people you do that. In certain cultures, like all of them, spitting on someone else’s clothes is considered poor form. No one is much of a fan of the Cockatiel and Carmen’s outfit. Heidi asks Carmen who should go home, and Carmen begins to cry, knowing deep down that she will never sacrifice herself. She reluctantly suggests that the Cockatiel be first to be retired. Heidi states that the Pocahontas dress is for homeless Indians.
Eventually the Cockatiel and creepy Marion (left) are left behind for elimination. The Cockatiel was accused of being too far deep into the “80’s disco” era, which maybe someone can remind me about. Marion’s design stinks of melancholy, so he gets eliminated. This would be sad if I wasn’t already saddened by his outfit. I think it gave me seasonal affective disorder. Alright, I’m over it. Owffveedershain, Marion.
Come by next week for Episodes 3, 4 and 5, where we will explore even more pressing issues, like what causes Sweet P. to make those crazy faces? How come the Bedazzler that Ricky uses to craft his hats never made it to the “fashion don’ts” collection? What is it that led a youthful Tim Gunn to make bad decisions at 3 a.m.? Is that armpit hair you’re sporting, or just some fun fringe? See you thenâ¦
– Nicole Homewood