FED BOARD STUCK INSIDE A BUBBLE

Dear John: Don’t any of the clowns on the Federal Reserve Board go to the grocery store or pay utility bills? I don’t think they are concerned about the economy, just the stock market. Greenspan may be gone but his clones are still in charge. N.M.

Dear N.M.: You obviously have never been to the Federal Reserve.

It’s a little glass bubble situated in the heart of Washington and none of the officials are allowed to go out into the real world for fear that they might get the germs of us ordinary people.

In the Fed’s bubble, food and energy costs don’t exist. Even when housing prices were rising, that didn’t count as inflation – the Fed used something called owners’ equivalent rent. That’s essentially the cost of renting your own house.

The economy is never bad, it’s slowing; inflation is never troubling, it’s elevated; and, Americans are never suicidal, they are pulling back.

Utility bills don’t exist in the bubble, nor do expenses for gasoline, cable TV, insurance, education or health care. If you wish hard enough, all these costs magically disappear. And when they do, you, as the head of the Federal Reserve, can report back to the President the stuff he wants to hear. For that you get a pat on the ass and a multi-million-dollar book contract as your going-away present.

I know what you are going to ask next: Can you live in the Fed’s bubble world? Sorry, the place is already packed with ass kissers.

Send your questions to Dear John, The N.Y. Post, 1211 Ave. of the Americas, N.Y., N.Y., 10036, or [email protected].