It is quite possibly the most lucrative single line of dialogue ever: “He’s just not that into you” originated in an episode of “Sex and the City” as one dude’s take on men who don’t call when they say they will. It spawned a best-selling self-help book based solely on that premise, with chapters like “He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Not Having Sex With You” and “He’s Just Not That Into You If He Only Wants To See You When He’s Drunk.” You get the idea. Now it’s a get-real chick flick starring a cast of A-listers in various stages of romantic self-delusion. So what, we wondered, do the female stars use as their own love guidelines?
Scarlett Johansson
* Don’t pretend you don’t know when it’s wrong
“It’s obvious when someone’s not meeting you halfway.”
* Solicit outside advice, and listen to it
“My friends and I always talk about relationships, and we always come back to the same thing – if this person is making you crazy, if this person is making you doubt yourself, go get rid of him. Sometimes it’s nice just to vent. You need an outside perspective. Relationships can sometimes . . . fester in a way.”
* Biology is confusing
“People are complicated. I don’t know that there’s a particular aspect of men in general that I don’t understand, other than why they have nipples.”
Drew Barrymore
* Leave the BlackBerry at home
“This whole in-your-pocket and you-have-to-respond-immediately [expectation] and be quirky and quippy is [frustrating]. No guys call anymore – it’s all text! I just don’t know how to engage technology. Love or dating is hard. You’re in the middle of a meeting, and people are like, ‘Why didn’t you text me back?’ and you’re like, ‘Because I have a freaking life.’
“I prefer if someone has something to say that they do it to my face. The in-person [breakup] is first and foremost a must. The older you get, the more un-OK it is to do it over any technical device. In-person is the starter, then hopefully as kindly and honestly and nurturingly and sweetly as possible.”
* Decide if you can deal “For the most part, a person has a certain pattern or behavior and you have to look at that and say, ‘What works for me? What works for this person?’ and not accept the same BS over and over and over. There’s a lot I have to learn about men, but there’s a lot I have learned. Their behavior, if it’s not making you feel good, or it’s crazy and you’re thinking it’s ‘The Da Vinci Code’ – no. Relationships take a tremendous amount of work.”
* Be honest with your friends “You think that you’re helping your friend by making them feel better, when really the truth will get them further in life.”
* Don’t call him. He’ll call you
“Men build bridges if they want to get from here to there. They can find your phone number.”
* Talk about him to your girlfriends – but not 24/7
“As women, we like to dissect and analyze. I think we care voraciously about how to make love work – how to find it and how to maintain it. Some women can go overboard. As far as men, they seem different, but I can’t help [but] believe in my heart that they have to talk to their friends and figure stuff out, too.”
Jennifer Aniston
* Stop kvetching “I don’t know. I don’t like girls whining and complaining about wanting a man! I never liked ‘Sex and the City,’ the kind of thing where women only feel empowered once they find the Man. It is just not up my alley. I don’t believe in it. There is nothing you can control about love . . . Love just shows up and you go, ‘Oh, wow, this is going to be a hayride and a half.'” [as told to Vogue]
* Keep it real “I ended a relationship because there is no lying. I ended a relationship to be alone because I don’t want to waste somebody’s time if something’s not right. I don’t waste people’s time.” [as told to the Daily Mirror]
* You’re not Cinderella “Whoever said everything has to be forever, that’s setting your hopes too high. It’s too much pressure. And I think if you put that pressure on yourself – because I did! Fairy tale! It has to be the right one! – that’s unattainable.” [as told to Vogue]
* Men should be more like man’s best friend
“It wouldn’t be bad if, when a man comes home, he’d run to his woman with his tail wagging . . . This sort of excitement is something I’ve always missed in a man, to be honest.” [as told to MTV]
Ginnifer Goodwin
* Keep your best girlfriends on speed dial – and call often
“I’m a girl’s girl. And I have, honest to God, had girlfriends and sisters come pick me up from breakup locations. I’ve actually said when someone broke up with me, ‘I’m so sorry, I have to call my sister.’ I have the best girlfriends in the world and I’ve learned about myself that it’s absolutely fine that I have a certain level of codependence – I might need to slumber-party for a week straight and eat an awful lot of cookies. I’m all about embracing the girlfriends.”
* If it’s not feeling right, end it fast
“We all really do know when someone’s not that into us, right? We just don’t want to have to deal with it at the time, and instead of ripping off the Band-Aid fast, we make it worse later. I think that we’re so afraid of rejection that we waste an immense part of life making excuses and sugarcoating for ourselves and for our friends. If we could all just go at things in a black-and-white way, we might end up in gray, but we wouldn’t waste all this time trying to be the exception. Really, we’re just trying to make the wrong people fit. You might be an exception, but you can’t aim for that, because that’s what causes all the problems.”
Jennifer Connelly
* For some people, love is a terrible addiction – avoid them
“People who are incapable of having any kind of intimate relationship have to turn to feeling this incredible hunger and void, have to turn to some quantifiable external product to make them feel whole.” [As told to about.com]
* Just hope for the best “You can’t predict what someone else is going to do and when someone else is going to leave.” [As told to about.com]