THERE is something so repulsively compelling in a Dracula- like way about “The Girls Next Door,” the reality show in which three young, beautiful women give their youth in exchange for eternal life (or, in this case, 15 minutes of fame), that I can’t stop watching it.
And all the three women had to do to get their own TV show and its attendant fame was to have Viagra-fueled sex with a papery, near-corpse whenever he wanted, and to live in his mansion, which is in LA but looks like it was transported from Transylvania.
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Even though one look at creepy, crepe-y Hef would presumably make most girls (as opposed to fembots) set themselves on fire rather than let him come near them, most girls aren’t “The Girls Next Door,” which is what makes it watchable. In fact, the audience is overwhelmingly female. Is it the nightmarish “what-if factor”?
Think “Big Love” without the Mormons. Hef is a man with three “wives” – a chief wife and two underlings. Call it “Bad Love.”
On Sunday night’s riveting finale, after five years of living with him, Kendra, the smokin’ 23-year-old who has been having sex with Hef, whose only smokin’ attribute is his bed jacket, tells him she’s leaving – for a football player.
Tragically, however, five years under Hef’s tutelage didn’t do much to improve her manners. Kendra still talks with her mouth full, with chips spitting out as she eats – yes – a chip and meat sandwich. Still, Hef is broken up. He likes his little girl.
At the same time, Bridget has gotten her “dream job,” which we hear maybe 60 times. She’ll be hosting a Travel Channel show on the sexiest beaches. This means she’ll be gone for four months. Since every single sentence Bridget utters ends in a question mark, the thought of her narrating an entire show is truly frightening. Hef doesn’t seem too broken up about this loss, however.
Then, there’s Holly – the chief wife. On the finale, Hef says he suspects she’s unhappy, even though she’s the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. OK, I’m not going to say it.
Anyway, we now know that Hef was right and Holly, the gorgeous one, soon thereafter disappeared in a poof of smoke to Las Vegas with magician/man slut Criss Angel. Yesterday, E! reported that the two had split up, too. She wanted to pursue her “career,” they say.
As what? A magician’s assistant? A kept woman?
“The Girls Next Door” will be back next season with another bunch of young women ripe for having the life sucked out of them in exchange for fame. Hooray for Hollywood!
“Girls Next Door” Season Finale Sunday night at 10 on E!