At Ted Kennedy’s public memorial on Friday, there were many sad things: Victoria Kennedy’s hopeful smile. Signs in the crowd saying THANK YOU TEDDY. A mother with a son in Iraq clutching an American flag.
But just as sad? The flip-flops.
Mourners also sported short-shorts, undershirts, dirty tees, and many pairs of infamous Crocs. It was a Casual Friday gone horribly wrong, as if everyone’s destination was Fenway Park, not a public casket viewing at the Kennedy Library.
“Dressing down” is nothing new — fine diners have long complained about the slow erosion of appropriate attire. But what has happened to the dignity of a nation when you can’t even dress properly for a wake?
This is only the most egregious example, of course. In the past week, I’ve spotted a woman sporting curlers (under a see-through shower cap) in the Bowery Whole Foods, another wearing fuzzy neon slippers through my trendy SoHo office building, and four tattooed, shirtless show-offs on their skateboards. Actually, that last example would be kind of sexy — if the guys were in an East Village skate park, instead of my local Starbucks.
Now should be the time when I bemoan “a better time,” one that exists in reruns of “Bewitched” — or for that matter, “Mad Men” — and involved cocktail frocks for dinner, hats in the airport, and tuxedos for Broadway plays. (On that note, “Hair” is an amazing show, but every time I’ve seen it the hippies onstage look cleaner than the audience.) But I don’t bemoan the current casual dress code because I wish I lived in the 1950s. I don’t want conformity, or gray flannel suits, or women who can’t wear pants. There are many ways to be modern and well dressed, not all of them involve a suit or high heels. What’s important is not the specific outfit, it’s putting some effort into your appearance.
I can’t believe I’m about to quote a “Real Housewife,” but in one of her sanest moments, New York reality star LuAnn de Lesseps proclaimed the importance of ditching your gym clothes to go out. “I put extra effort into my appearance if I am going to a live performance out of respect for the artists.”
That’s it, plain and simple: Respect. When people make an effort for you, it’s polite — even more than that, it’s decent — to reflect that effort back in your appearance.
Designer Brian Reyes, who dressed America Ferrara for her winning moment at the Golden Globes, takes that idea even further. “Dressing up is always appropriate,” he says “And dressing for yourself is always a great sign of self respect.” And really, aren’t you better than a ripped T-shirt with a mustard stain on the collar? You are; I promise.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you need to descend from your fifth-floor walk up each morning in a ballgown and tiara — just something that you’ve (gasp) already ironed. As Glamour.com fashion columnist Tracey Lomerantz tells it, “There are definitely ways to make shorts look neat and elegant, but not everyone understands how to make that distinction.”
Kate Spade creative director Deborah Lloyd agrees. “For me, it’s more about appropriateness . . . I do love when the ladies here wear shorts in the office but dressed up with a crisp cotton shirt and lovely jewelry and shoes . . . It’s really about how the individual pieces are styled.”
And in the words of American style icon Tommy Hilfiger, “The dress codes of fashion are constantly changing. For some, shorts can be seen as casual, but with the right style and attitude, they can be just as appropriate as a pair of trousers. But as a rule, I think if you have any doubts it’s better to dress up than down!”
Which brings us back to the undershirts at Ted Kennedy’s memorial gathering. In the eyes of many, they were dirty, disappointing, and a new rock bottom — a confirmation of America’s lazy, selfish, and crumbling mindset. But maybe, says a friend of mine who works in politics, those undershirts are more of a tribute than I can understand. “Ted Kennedy was for equal rights. To many, he transcended social and class boundaries. And dressing down to attend a formal or exclusive occasion, that could be seen as an expression of the ultimate Democratic ideal — that no matter what you look like, you have a right to assert your presence and your ideal in our nation.”
I’m all for Democracy and inclusion. But this isn’t about social class and status — a quick look at celebrity tabloids shows that the rich and privileged dress like thoughtless asses, too. When a grown adult attends a wedding in a neon track suit, they’re not shattering an antiquated caste system. They’re just giving the finger to social standards that exist for a reason (and also flipping off the bride and groom).
Putting self-respect back in your wardrobe isn’t about conformity or elitism — I love the America where everyone is created equal. I just want them all to put on some pants.