Every time I’m at the gym I see cute girls, but I don’t know how to approach them. Do girls even want to be picked up at the gym?
— Gary, 34, West Village
It’s true: The gym is not a sexy place to pick up girls. Sometimes we do want a guy to take notice — and sometimes we don’t. The way you worded it, though, makes me think you go to the gym just to meet cute girls. And when guys who I’ve never seen before at the gym come up to me and say, “You’re beautiful. Can I take you to dinner sometime?” I always say no. You shouldn’t really go around asking out random girls just because you think they’re cute. You don’t want to be known as That Guy, do you?
On the other hand, if I recognized that person as someone who works out regularly at the same time as me, and we had exchanged a few glances before, then I might say yes because I (sort of) know them.
So do your thing, and if you cross paths or make eye contact with someone in particular that you think might be worth talking to, then go for it. (Just wait until she’s gotten off the treadmill and she’s on a break!) There is something to be said for being attracted to someone when they’re all sweaty.
I’m heartbroken and don’t know what to do. I got involved with someone who I later found out is engaged. He told me he fell in love with me, but cannot break his engagement. I know this makes me a horrible person, but I don’t want to end things with him. He marries in a couple of months, but wants to continue our relationship. Is there a chance he’d just be with me?
— JJ, Manhattan
I know how you’re feeling, and it’s not a good feeling. I’ve been there before, only he wasn’t getting married — he was married. It’s never a good situation. Let me apologize upfront, because I’m going to give you some hard-to-stomach advice that will probably be difficult to read.
The fact that he’s deciding to go through with the wedding proves to me that he doesn’t love you as much as you think, and, more importantly, as much as you deserve. If he did, he would not be going through with the wedding. If you continue to go down this path with him, I promise you it will cause you more pain than if you were to just walk away.
Go to the store, get a few pints of Ben & Jerry’s and give yourself a week to be sad. Then, give yourself another week to be angry. Finally, pull yourself up, dust yourself off and focus on YOU. Go to the gym, go out with your girlfriends and have fun. You deserve more than he would ever be able to give you.
I can’t stand my friend’s girlfriend. I try to be civil when she’s around, but I really think he’s wasting his time with her. How do I handle this maturely without sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong?
— Scott, 23, Astoria
This is a touchy subject. You want to be supportive of your friend, but at the same time you want to protect him. You have to know where to draw the line. Friendships can be ruined if you overstep your boundaries.
What don’t you like about her? You really have to step back and evaluate the situation. Because at the end of the day, you’re not the one dating her. You’re not with them behind closed doors, so you don’t really know why they’re drawn to each another.
The only thing you can do is confront the situation, express your concerns and hear him out. There’s a chance you’ll open his eyes to things he doesn’t see. But be prepared to have him open your eyes to things you don’t see. Whatever he decides, the only thing to do from there is be a supportive friend. Because if you’re not, you risk losing his trust and friendship altogether.
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