Upon its 1995 release, Paul Verhoeven’s “Showgirls” quickly became to the Razzies — the awards that celebrate the worst films of the year — what “Silence of the Lambs” was to the Oscars, LeBron James is to basketball and Jesse James is to bad judgment.
Which is to say, it dominated them entirely.
“Showgirls” won eight Razzies (a feat equaled only by John Travolta’s “Battlefield Earth” and LiLo’s “I Know Who Killed Me”), including the eventual “worst film of the decade” award. It starred Elizabeth Berkley, fresh off her turn as the feminist class president on the kids show “Saved by the Bell,” as Nomi, a dimwitted sex hound with debilitating anger management issues.
Nomi traumatized an entire generation of “Saved by the Bell” fans” by pulling a switchblade at the slightest provocation, writhing fully naked on top of sleaze merchant Kyle MacLachlan and both dancing and having sex like an epileptic fish pulled violently from the water.
The script was written by Joe Eszterhas, who thought “You want a knuckle sandwich?” still counted as threatening dialogue. When the movie’s one nice guy tells his girlfriend, “Get me a beer, bitch,” he means it as an endearment.
But a film this blatantly awful, a film so degrading to women that it makes every wet T-shirt contest in the world look like a feminist empowerment seminar, couldn’t help but become a cult camp classic. “Showgirls” was quickly regarded as one of the most unintentionally funny films ever made, and earned more than $100 million on the home video rental market.
Which is why it has now earned a special 15th anniversary “Sinsational Edition” DVD release, augmenting its introduction on Blu-ray with special features including “Pole Dancing: Finding Your Inner Stripper,” a lap dance tutorial from the girls of Scores, and a “Showgirls” trivia track that somehow omits the question, “How many venereal diseases were caught in the making of this film?”
But despite its atrociousness, even a train wreck of this magnitude can bestow some important life lessons on its viewers. Here are some of the most crucial.
1. Never use a switchblade in a film until you’ve had acting lessons. When a hitchhiking Berkley pulls a switchblade on a man who picks her up, it’s supposed to show us how tough she is. Instead, her bug-eyed anger makes this look like failed audition footage from a dinner theater production of “West Side Story.”
2. In Las Vegas, every woman is a prostitute — period. As Nomi walks though a Vegas casino, a man she’s never spoken to or seen before offers her money for sex. When she says no, he screams after her, “Sooner or later, you’re gonna have to sell it!” Apparently in Joe Eszterhas’ world, every woman will have to sell it sooner or later. So women: Be advised, and plan accordingly. (Or just avoid ever going to Las Vegas with Joe Eszterhas.)
3. Touching yourself is just another way of saying “hello.” When Nomi is introduced to Gina Gershon’s star showgirl Cristal Connors, she stands behind Connors, casually stroking her own chest and crotch. No one remarks on this in any way. In Las Vegas, onanism is as good as a handshake.
4. If you’re looking to get ahead in your career, push your rival down a flight of stairs, just as Nomi does to Cristal. Nobody will bother to turn you in, and your rival will inexplicably thank you for it later.
5. When watching “Showgirls,” be sure to stay close to a shower. After you’re done, you’re gonna need it.