I’m a successful stockbroker who enjoys an active sex life with a great girlfriend. But I’ve also been maintaining a “domination relationship” with a mistress for almost three years. I see her at least once a week. As an alpha male who’s a maniac in business, I thrive off of the power exchange that we share. It’s something I can’t stop — and don’t want to stop. Recently, I went home with marks on my rearend from one of our sessions. My girlfriend noticed it and suspiciously questioned me. I had no answers and basically shut down. It’s been awkward ever since. I don’t want to lose her, but I’m embarrassed to be honest. What should I do?
— Greg, 33, Brooklyn
First and foremost, cheating on your girlfriend is wrong. As an “alpha male” who claims to be a “maniac in business,” I’d think that your integrity would be the most important thing in your life. Because when a man doesn’t have integrity — especially in business — he has nothing.
So you need to make a choice: End it with your girlfriend, or end it with your mistress. But either way, stop lying. It’s not fair to her.
If you see yourself spending the rest of your life with your girlfriend, then I’d sit her down and explain the marks — along with your reasoning and interest in the fetish itself.
After being angry (which she will no doubt be!), maybe she’ll admit to being into it herself!
There is nothing I wouldn’t do for my boyfriend. If he told me to dress up in a dominatrix outfit and whip him, I would. In my opinion, that’s what you do for the person you love. You should get off by making each other happy. So give her the chance to experience it with you.
That said, it may not be her thing, and you’ll have to respect that too — along with the repercussions of spilling the beans.
But whatever road you decide to go down, do not keep it a secret any longer. If you do, then you’re bound to continue to cheat and lie, which is neither fair to the woman you end up with, or yourself.
My girlfriend sneezes really loud. Like, so loud that I jump, scared to death, with my heart pounding. It sounds more like a scream than a sneeze. She refuses to mute the noise level and I’m at my wits’ end. What do I do?
— KJ, Midtown West
I bet that she doesn’t sneeze louder than my mother! My mom shakes the house when she sneezes. It’s the loudest, craziest thing I’ve ever heard, but I just laugh at it.
Now I hate to tell someone he’s wrong, but I really do think you’re being ridiculous. All her quirky little traits should only make you love her even more. And if they don’t, then it’s time to end the relationship. Especially when it’s something that she most likely can’t help.
If you can’t appreciate her idiosyncrasies, someone else will.
What do you think about the statement “Sex is finite, love is infinite”?
— Regan, Houston, Texas
That’s a great question! I think it’s accurate — to a degree. You see, when you’re in a relationship, every day you learn something new about that person. And when you learn something that you like and admire, you ultimately love him or her a little more. Your love will be infinite, because for as long as you’re with that person, you’ll continue to experience new situations that expose you to more of his or her character.
Now, with sex, it all depends on the person and what he or she hopes to attain by participating in it. Is it just sex to experience a momentary release? Or is it more?
For me, being intimate is about fire and passion — and the love that I have for my partner, which, as I said, grows over time. So will our sex be finite, or limited? No. Because as long as our love keeps growing, so will our love in the bedroom or elevator or wherever we may express it. So for me, as long as there’s true love to keep the fire alive (brought about by continuing to learn and grow with each other), sex is never finite.
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