Hondo, the presumptive Bettor’s Guide champ, continued his relentless march to the top last week with a strong 8-4-1 record that moved him into second place, a scant two lengths behind the current imposter at the pinnacle.
Additionally, Mr. Aitch seized control of the Best Bets division, a category that many define as the true yardstick for the NFL handicapper. It’s all about cred, kids. And this week Kid Cred likes:
Cowboys over Giants: Hate to throw a wet Snuggie on the tsunami of adoration that has engulfed the Giants, but Hondo will eschew the Blue and embrace the New Coach Theory (and 14 points). That’s the hypothesis that holds — the same bunch of quitters who cost the previous guy his job suddenly will flip the switch and turn on the effort for the new guy. Also, more importantly, Mr. Aitch isn’t laying double-digit spreads this year, and that has been working out well.
Jets over Browns: Let’s face it, if the 6-2 Jets lose to Mangenius and the 3-5 Brownies, then they made a very poor coaching decision two years ago. Rex had better have them jacked for this one, otherwise he’ll have to pay off on the wager he has with twin bro Rob: Loser buys the burritos, tacos, nachos, burgers, fries, blooming onions and brews.
According to a survey, 17 percent of men fake orgasms. Chances are the incredibly reproductive Antonio Cromartie is among the non-faking 83 percent.
Colts over Bengals: How ’bout a HondoNation toast to Paul “Bad As He Can Be” Schwartz, who at the halfway point has a legitimate shot at finishing the season as the anchor in both the overall and BB standings.
Also, keep those glasses raised for Ms. Charleen, the Native Canadian and ex-Post sports department secretary formerly known as Typing Bear who could be headed for yet another victory in the Women’s Division, although it won’t be easy.
Texans over Jaguars: Despite the new show, Conan O’Brien can’t seem to let go of his NBC nightmare. It must be tough to have had a show that was a ratings disaster and then be given only $45 million to go away. Hang in there, Conan; it’s just going to take more time.
Dolphins over Titans: It can’t possibly help the Titans to add a miserable malcontent like Moss. Count on Pennington’s changeups to keep the Tennessee “D” off balance.
Bears over Vikings: E-mauler Ed Buckmir says Brett Favre led the Vikes to a big, come-from-behind victory over the Cards last week. Ed also points out that, since the sexting scandal, it’s one of the few times “Favre” and “big” have appeared in the same sentence.
Hondo might get nailed for a late-hit penalty on this one, but sources say when Jenn Sterger received the Little Brett junk mail, she responded: “LMAO!”
Bills over Lions: According to survey by the American Psychological Association, New Yorkers are the most stressed-out group in the country, with the rough economy cited as the primary source of the stomach-churning discontent. Then again, don’t rule out some other important contributing factors, such as: the suffocating traffic, the bedbugs, the asbestos at the Garden, the SuperNanny Mayor getting all up in everybody’s business, Blezow’s horrendous Locks of the Week, the nudie cams at JFK as well as the aggressive, probing patdowns, and the imminent influx of Midtown holiday visitors.
Buccaneers over Panthers: “The Walking Dead,” AMC’s new show about zombies, was renewed for a second season. Mr. Aitch hasn’t seen the program yet, but it seems as if it might be loosely based on the Panthers’ offense.
Chiefs over Broncos: The Queen of England reportedly now has a Facebook page, but BarkingMut, via woof-mail, barks that there already was one: Elton John’s.
Rams over 49ers: Speaking of queens, self-absorbed drama queen Keith “Gasbag” Olbermann, aka Uberdork, has raised the bar on bombast since being suspended for making political donations. He has spoken of the “extraordinary and ground-rattling support,” “support and loyalty that is truly mutual,” and, best of all, mentioned the “global hug” his fans gave him. It has been enough to cause a surge in global vomiting.
Cardinals over Seahawks: Lindsay Lohan, who currently is doing a fifth stint in rehab, wants to open a chain of rehab facilities, according to her mom. They no doubt will be for addicts who are casual about recovering — the Charlie Sheens, the David Hasselhoffs, the George Michaels, the Rip Torns, etc. And of course she’ll need a catchy name, maybe something like: “The Y’all Come Back Now Rehab Center.”
A typical day at the Lohan facility will consist of a three-step program (12 is excessive): 1) Sleep it off in the morning; 2) Maybe some light counseling in the afternoon if you feel up to it; and 3) Happy hour(s) from 5 till …
Patriots over Steelers: According to the Center for Disease Control, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is on the rise. And there’s a perfectly good explanation for that and it’s because . . . sorry, what was Hondo talking about?
Redskins over Eagles: You’ll want to bark up this home ’dog’s tree since McNabb isn’t listed on the injury report with low “cardiovascular endurance.” That means Shanahan, the genius who hasn’t won anything since he had Elway and Terrell Davis, won’t feel compelled to bench him for Rex Grossman late in the game.
BEST BETS: Cowboys, Buccaneers, Chiefs
LAST NIGHT: Falcons (W)