They may be in the 1 percent — but they shoot 20 over par.
They’ll cheat when they think no one’s watching, and own so many cars, they’ll inadvertently drive home another golfer’s Mercedes. And forget birdies or eagles — they’ll force you to carry their precious poodles.
This is the rough stuff known only to a select club: Hamptons caddies.
Until now.
Teeing off the dim duffers in a new tell-all is Scott Werner, 48, who left his finance job 11 years ago to pursue his love of golf — as a caddy at the exclusive East Hampton Golf Club, where members include Jeff Zucker, Jason Kidd, Lloyd Blankfein, Lorne Michaels and Mort Zuckerman.
“The golf you see on TV is definitely not the golf we caddy for,” said Werner.
At the 18-hole, members-only Hamptons course, where the starting fee alone is $400,000, millionaires pay a high price to play golf out of the public eye.
Yet some in the Fortune 500 can be so clueless, they’ll mistake fertilizer for the ball.
Werner recalls one morning when a mogul just couldn’t take losing to his financial adviser. He threw his putter in the air, upbraided the golf ball, and stomped around the fairway in anger.
Then he lined up next to a wad of foam he thought was a ball and swung so hard, he collapsed.
“These are people controlling the financial world, and it’s amazing, the things they say,” said Werner, who travels as a caddy-trainer and once carried for Tiger Woods and Jack Nicholson.
When the club first opened years ago, Alec Baldwin would terrorize CEOs by driving up to the course in a blue car and park with a cup of coffee, Werner recalled.
Anytime someone would take a swing, he’d honk his horn to faze them. It’s rumored he loathed the club for environmental reasons.
As he describes in his self-published book “Caddy Tales,” schlepping for lady millionaires is no gimme. One guest, adorned in diamonds, announced, “Precious is going to go with us,” as she handed Werner her clubs.
“Sure, where’s their golf bag?” Werner recalled saying. “That’s when she said, ‘No! Precious is my dog!’ Everyone on the course was staring. She didn’t want to leave her dog in her Bentley,” he said.
Werner was stuck carrying the canine on his shoulder for nine holes.
Once a caddy becomes part of their circle, however, there’s plenty of perks.
Some magnates tip $100 per birdie when they’re feeling lucky.
Venture capitalist Fred Wilson and former Yahoo big Greg Coleman even donated to a Kickstarter Web campaign for Werner’s T-shirt line.
His “Billionaire Golf Shirts” line features wacky quotes from Wall Street power players. There’s “I shot 80 today but I cheated” and “I can’t hit this shot left-handed. I’m not amphibious.”
Werner said none of it is out of bounds.
“I’m not making fun of them — I’m laughing with them,” he said. “I still think it’s such a privilege to be out here.”