My good friend is a broker and will be offended if I don’t give him my apartment listing. Unfortunately, I don’t think he’ll get me the best price for my place. What should I do?
— Stephanie H., Upper East Side
It comes down to this . . . is it worse for your chum to feel betrayed (“I thought we were friends!”) or for you to feel bitter (“I could have gotten 60 grand more!”)? If you conclude that the prospect of losing a cherished confidante is the lesser of those two evils, you’d better be prepared to explain yourself. Perhaps it’s that you want to work with a broker who’s sold other units in your complex. Maybe you desire someone with a specialty in Beaux-Arts buildings. Better yet (and all but unassailable), the broker you’ve chosen is your mom’s sister!
Whatever the rationale, before your home goes up for sale, schedule some in-person time with your friend to explain the situation. Emphasize that you haven’t taken the decision lightly and that by no means is this a reflection on the value you place on the friendship. Providing you’re able to save the relationship from ruin, I’d definitely turn elsewhere when recruiting friends to help you move.
I’m about to begin a six-month gut renovation of my apartment and will be moving out temporarily. How do I ensure that the rest of the co-op welcomes me with open arms when I return?
— Chris P., Riverdale
Communication and consideration are the order of the day here. Making certain you keep your building management and your neighbors apprised of the project will be crucial for keeping them in your good graces. Is your contractor’s time estimate reasonable? You might want to tack on some extra weeks to give yourself an adequate cushion. Nobody will complain if you finish early, but prepare to be persona non grata if the noise from your unit is still going full bore come next summer.
Before you move out, speak with your adjacent neighbors, and give them your contractor’s contact details, as well as a number where they can reach you. Stress to your contractor the importance of leaving common areas clean and clear of debris, and of following guidelines such as staying out of the passenger elevator. Be certain he adheres to the hours and days that work is permitted.
And when all is said and done, have your neighbors over for a party so they can soak up the results of what they’ve been enduring for half a year. No one relishes living next door to a renovation, but it’s a headache most New Yorkers encounter sooner or later. Next time, it will be you donning the Dr. Dres to drown out the din.
My upstairs neighbor walks around her apartment late at night, completely disrupting my sleep. How can I approach the situation without offending her? — Michelle Z., Brooklyn Heights
Is it the clack of heels on hardwood? The flexing of floorboards as she paces during after-hours phone convos? Chances are, she’s got no idea how successfully that noise is traveling.
Try something along the lines of: “I know you couldn’t possibly be aware of this, but . . .” Blame the building’s poor insulation — not her inconsideration. And ask whether there’s anything she can think of that would help minimize the noise. Bottom line: Make her your ally and solve the problem together. You’ll walk away with a new friend in the building and a return to a good night’s sleep, too.
Got a question? Send an e-mail to [email protected] or contact @MisterManners on Twitter.