Monica Lewinsky should shut up and go away

Make her go away!

I’d actually feel sorry for Monica Lewinsky — if she weren’t so damn infuriating.

She’s America’s favorite beret-wearing former intern, whose very name has become a synonym for a sex act she eagerly performed on her knees, a dame who rocketed to fame for failing to dry-clean a blue dress stained with the seed of the then-leader of the free world.

Now, Lewinsky, 40, wants our pity and, perhaps, a job she can perform while sitting upright. And — drum roll, please — she doesn’t blame former President Bill Clinton, the alpha male before whom she famously knelt.

The pair’s sexploits took place in and around the Oval Office, including in a bathroom and a hallway, in 1995, when Lewinsky was a willing pup of 22. This brought about Clinton’s impeachment — although the Senate acquitted him of lying under oath and obstruction of justice in 1999 — and caused strife in his marriage. Ultimately, public sympathy may help catapult his wife, Hillary Clinton, to the presidency in 2016.

As for Lewinsky, she will not be ignored.

After a decade of precious near-silence — after she blabbed to Barbara Walters, after her handbag company failed, after a pitchwoman stint for Jenny Craig diets, after she hosted a dating reality-TV series that lasted five episodes on Fox TV, authorized a biography, participated in a self-serving HBO TV documentary and graduated from the London School of Economics with a master’s degree in social psychology — Lewinsky has hunted unsuccessfully for a job from New York to Los Angeles to Portland, Ore.

Now, she wants a payday.

In an exasperatingly tone-deaf piece in Vanity Fair, set to be released digitally Thursday and hit newsstands May 13, she gave the scoundrel Bill Clinton a free pass for romping with her in a particularly degrading fashion.

In excerpts released on the magazine’s website and in a press release, she wrote, “Sure, my boss took advantage of me.’’ Ya think? “But I will always remain firm on this point: It was a consensual relationship.’’

“It seems that nothing will stop Lewinsky from making a big Lewinsky of herself.”

In an egregiously offensive plea for understanding, Lewinsky compared her situation to that of cyberbullying victim Tyler Clementi, the 18-year-old New Jersey college freshman who jumped off the George Washington Bridge in 2010, killing himself. This after his roommate set up a webcam and watched with friends as Clementi kissed another man.

What an imbecile. Lewinsky potentially wounded Clementi’s family, folks who’ve already suffered so much. And she wrote that she didn’t even attempt suicide! Lewinsky just thought about it. Her mom feared for her life, too.

It seems that nothing will stop Lewinsky from making a big Lewinsky of herself.

She got in a good dig at Hillary Clinton, who, according to the files of her late pal Diane Blair, once called Lewinsky a “narcissistic loony toon’’ and partly blamed herself for her hubby’s cheating ways. Lewinsky found Hillary’s impulse to blame the women in her husband’s life “troubling.”

The ex-intern faulted a long list of people for the “abuse’’ she said she suffered after the Clinton scandal became public — “the Clinton administration, the special prosecutor’s minions, the political operatives on both sides of the aisle and the media.’’

Lewinsky, I’d recommend that you use your special talents to forge an exciting new career in whatever it is you do best.

Now hush up.