Hondo opened his Bettor’s Guide season with a sub-par 7-9 mark in the compulsories, but he blitzed the Best Bets — arguably the truest measure of a handicapper’s ability — with a sweep that left his co-contestants with a bird’s-eye view of his backside.
Cardinals over Giants: Ben McAdoo, the Big Blue OC and West Coast offensive proponent, challenged Eli to complete 70 percent of his passes this season, which is somewhat like Sandy Alderson saying he expects the Mets to win 90. It’s not happening, not with that offensive line, that corps of receivers and that QB’s clumsy feet.
From BarkingMut of SoBe: Rex Ryan wants to help Eli with his footwork so badly he can taste them.
The loss to the Lions was so painful, emauler Ed Buckmir claims Tom Coughlin scrapped his mantra — “Burn the Boats!” — in favor of “Burn the Game Film!”
Packers over Jets: This could turn into a rat kill, as Rex might say, although Hondo hears A-Rodge may not play. Sources say the GB QB has been licking his chops so much at the prospect of working over the Jets’ second-rate corners that he has developed a terrible case of chapped lips.
Rex raved about Geno earlier in the week but let’s see what he has to say after his QB goes up against a seasoned, old salt like Peppers.
Jaguars over Redskins: Former White House spokesman Jay Carney debuted Wednesday night as an embedded commentator at CNN. Oddly enough, the Obama loyalist had nothing but good things to say about the President’s ISIS speech. CNN: The Most Trusted Name in Predictable Commentary.
Titans over Cowboys: It looks like another lost year for America’s Also-Rans, who, judging by Sunday’s three-pick effort by their QB won’t be able to get their Romojo working. That’s not the case for Dallas owner Jerry Jones, at least according to a stripper who filed a sexual assault suit that accuses him of fondling her and forcing her to watch him have sex with other strippers. The Cowboy owner in one respect apparently is like an elite wide receiver — he needs his touches.
Patriots over Vikings: Tom Brady on his retirement plans: “When I suck, I’ll retire. I don’t plan on sucking for a long time.” Then what was that was that giant sucking sound emanating from Sun Life Stadium during the second half of the Pats’ loss to the Dolphins.
Browns over Saints: AMC has ordered up a spin off for “The Walking Dead.” It’s presently untitled, but possibilities include “The Cleveland Browns,” “The St. Louis Rams” and “The Jacksonville Jaguars.”
Bengals over Falcons: NBC online producer Carlo Dellaverson could lose his job for posting a video he made secretly of him and his now ex-girlfriend having sex. If fired, he won’t be out of work for long; Rumor has it ESPN wants to hire him for its Dallas bureau to operate their exclusive Michael Sam Shower Cam.
Bills over Dolphins: Obama’s visit to Stonehenge enabled him to “knock it off the bucket list,” as he put it. And now, after Wednesday night’s prime-time, poll-driven speech, the President also can knock another one off his bucket list: Finally, after much dithering, coming up with a strategy to battle ISIS.
Panthers over Lions: In August, Barack was able to accomplish another bucket-list goal: Playing 192 rounds of golf in the first six years of his presidency.
More Mut: With Obama sporting his casual light summer suit for a press conference in late August, his new slogan has gone from “Hope and Change” to “Taupe or Beige.”
Buccaneers over Rams: Susan Rice, Obama’s national security advisor, insists the cause of the ISIS uprising is that same offensive video that sparked the Benghazi attack.
Chargers over Seahawks: Pete Carroll will be inducted into the USC Hall of Fame in 2015, even though the school was slapped with crushing penalties for violations committed during his tenure. Given Southern Cal’s forgiving nature, don’t be surprised if one day it gives a similar honor to ex-cornerback Josh Shaw, if not for his feats on the field then for his imaginary heroism off it.
Raiders over Texans: Speaking of fertile imaginations, what is the NFL’s domestic abuse policy if Manti Te’o finds another imaginary girlfriend, the relationship subsequently sours and he has a physical confrontation with her? Would it be an automatic six-game suspension or would Goodell have to see some video?
Chiefs over Broncos: You’d think a grossly overpaid commissioner who made a cool $44 mil last year and was given a five-year extension in the offseason would be able to handle a domestic violence case without turning the wildly successful NFL into a national embarrassment.
49ers over Bears: Emailer Steve B. The Bosox Fan wonders how long it will be before Ray Rice catches on at ESPN.
Colts over Eagles: The commissioner has commissioned former FBI chief Robert Mueller, a partner in a law office that has done work for the NFL, to head up an investigation of its investigation of the Ray Rice situation, which will be overseen by Goodell fans John Mara and Art Rooney. This probe has about as much chance of revealing any dirt on Roger the Dodger as Andrew’s Cuomo’s dismantled Moreland Commission on Corruption had of exposing wrongdoing in the Governor’s office.
THURSDAY NIGHT: Steelers.
BEST BETS: Patriots, 49ers, Colts.