Manhattan
A portly petty thief and his pal broke into an Upper West Side café to steal cash — then ran off with chocolate cake and two cheese plates after they found the till empty, cops said.
The rotund burglar and his buddy shimmied their way through the locked gate of the Pier i Café in Riverside Park around 3:15 a.m. Friday and began searching eight registers in the kiosk of the seasonal outdoor eatery, according to surveillance video.
The fatty suspect, wearing a backward cap, hoodie and shorts, found all of the registers empty, the video shows.
The thief, apparently parched after his fruitless hunt for cash, then turned to the fridge for refreshment, the video shows.
He downed a Diet Coke and fetched his friend to get dessert.
The duo got their sticky fingers on a chocolate mousse torte cake valued at $7 a slice and two cheese plates worth $14 apiece, police said.
A man was slashed and another was beaten Sunday after they were attacked by six straphangers during a fight on the subway on the Upper East Side, cops said.
The two victims were on a northbound No. 4 train as it approached East 96th Street at 3:30 a.m. when they got into a dispute with two men and four women, police said.
A 20-year-old man was slashed in the face, while his 23-year-old friend was punched and kicked, cops said.
The younger victim was taken to St. Luke’s Hospital, where he received numerous stitches. The other refused medical attention, authorities said.
All six suspects are believed to be in their late teens to early 20s.
It’s unclear what sparked the argument.
A man was stabbed inside a Duane Reade near Penn Station early Monday, police said.
The victim, in his 20s, was attacked by an unidentified assailant, also believed to be in his 20s, in the drug store on Eighth Avenue and West 33rd Street around 2 a.m., cops said. The motive for the attack is unclear.
The victim suffered a gash to his left arm. His attacker fled, police said.
The victim was rushed to Bellevue Hospital in stable condition, authorities said.
An elderly woman was struck and killed by a downtown B train in Midtown on Monday, cops said.
The 76-year-old woman apparently jumped in front of the train around 10 a.m. at the Seventh Avenue station at West 53rd Street, according to cops and witnesses.
The unidentified woman was pronounced dead at the scene.
Brooklyn
A 53-year-old man with a lengthy criminal record was shot and killed inside the Red Hook Houses on Sunday, authorities said.
Howard Sterling of 70 Bush St. was found unconscious with a bullet wound to the leg inside the fourth-floor hallway of an apartment building around 11:30 a.m., police said.
He was taken to Methodist Hospital in Park Slope, where he was pronounced dead.
Police believe the gunman had a dispute with Sterling and was trying to rob him.
The victim had an arrest history that dates back 30 years, mostly for narcotics, sources said.
A masked gunman was caught on video holding up a worker in a Fort Greene bodega, cops said Monday.
The robber entered Park Candy & Grocery on Myrtle Avenue around 7:40 p.m. Sunday and drew a black .40-caliber semiautomatic handgun, police said.
He approached the counter and demanded money, then squeezed off a round into the wall behind the worker, who refused his demands, cops said.
The gunman then hopped onto the counter and grabbed $900 before fleeing, video shows.
The suspect is 5-foot-9 and about 160 pounds.
He was wearing black and white sneakers, black jeans and a gray jacket, cops said.
Staten Island
A city school teacher was charged with driving while intoxicated after smashing her car into a parked truck in Forest Hills — her second DWI bust in three years, according to police and records.
Lauren Barnes, 29, was driving her 2003 red Honda Accord westbound on the Queens Boulevard Service Road near 69th Street Monday at about 8 a.m. when she smashed into the large parked truck, cops said.
When police arrived, she reeked of booze, slurred her words and had a splotchy face, law-enforcement sources said.
She was charged with driving while intoxicated as a first offense, but records show she was charged with DWI in 2011 in Fresh Meadows after a car crash, where police found a water bottle that smelled of booze in her car, sources said.