NASHVILLE, Tenn. — These are the Jets, and so what’s best for the future may not be what’s best for today. There is 99.943 percent certitude that there will be a new head coach in place by the time January is in full swing. There seem to be increasingly favorable odds that there also will be a new general manager making the calls.1
And there will be a vast purging of the people who presently populate the roster, too. That’s as good a bet as any.
So there is a vast incongruity to what will take place on the turf at LP Field just past 4 o’clock, when the horrific Jets and the horrendous Titans do battle, their matching 2-11 records sure to bring havoc to television tubes all over New York and Tennessee, should anyone actually bother to tune in. The folks still in place want to win. Everyone else — everyone else — wants to see something else.
What’s best for the Jets? That’s easy. In this bizarro game with bizarro stakes on the line, the answer is this: lose. Get pounded. Get slaughtered. Get crushed. Really, it shouldn’t be so hard, right?
This is the third year in a row the Jets will travel to Music City. Two years ago, they were 6-7 and still harboring hope of sneaking into the playoffs. Then Chris Johnson (a Titan then, a Jet now) rattled off a 94-yard touchdown run, and Mark Sanchez threw four interceptions, and Tim Tebow, granted his only full series as a Jet did usual Jets-QB things (a delay of game penalty, a sack, a gruesome incompletion), and ultimately Sanchez fumbled a snap with the Jets in great field position at the end, clinching a 14-10 loss and igniting a season-ending three-game losing streak.
Last year? Well, this time the quarterback was Geno Smith, and the Jets were off to a surprising 2-1 start, and it seemed team and QB were eager to surprise people … and then Smith threw two costly picks, had two fumbles — including a strange one where he tried to go behind-the-back with a ball, only to lose the ball in the end zone — and the Jets fell 38-10.
Ah, but those were games the Jets needed to win, games that had actual meaning in the AFC, games that would have actually benefited the Jets had they won them. And remember: these are the bizarro Jets.
Up is down. Down is up. Backwards is forwards and they are officially through the looking glass, people.
Losing — for those who will still care about the Jets after The Great Purge, for those who understand that the higher they pick, the more options will stand before them, including the preferred path of being able to select Oregon’s Marcus Mariota — is what is needed now, is what will benefit the Jets most, is what will help rescue the rubble quickest.
So of course the Jets probably will win this game.
Because in this epic showdown to Suck for the Duck …
Well it’s the typical Jets story, right? Just in reverse: they probably aren’t bad enough. They probably aren’t hurt enough. It’s their luck — in this chase for the Duck — that Johnson will probably have payback on his mind, and with the Titans’ defense a calamitous mess maybe he’ll hit 350 yards rushing.
The Jets’ quarterback situation might be abysmal, but the Titans have two QBs of the Future on their roster and one — Jake Locker, who filleted the Jets last year — is a shell of his former self and the other — Zach Mettenberger — is hurt and didn’t much remind anyone of Sammy Baugh when he was healthy.
They need the Duck just as much.
So there’s that.
And there’s this: did you happen to see what the Giants did last week when they had a crack at the Titans, here? I may be off here but I believe the final score was 754-3, something like that, and it wasn’t nearly as close. And let’s not mince our words here: the Giants may not be as bad as the Jets, but the choice really is a classic one: airline food or hospital food? One might be better. But the choices still …
Well, suck. And of course it’s just the Jets’ luck that they don’t suck, not enough to ensure the Duck, that they are the team with more pluck, and fewer schmucks, and … well, they had just better hope that the old NFL truth still applies, even in a bizarro world: on any given Sunday, any team can lose to any other team.