When I was in college — a small school in Western Pa., coal country — Jim and Lon rented an old house on Main Street.
Jim, a geology major, kept rocks on the front porch, rocks he took for granite. Late one night, Lon, loaded and with nothing better to do, grabbed Jim’s geologist’s hammer and began to wham on those rocks. Bang! Bang! Bang!
With the police station just across the street, one of Greene County’s Finest soon approached Lon. This peace officer immediately made it clear he was going to be a nice guy.
“Son,” he said, “either you’re going to have to go inside and hit those rocks, or get a ride out of town then hit ’em out there.”
Lon gave him a Stan Laurel. He blinked a couple of times, weighing his options, then said, “But officer, couldn’t I just stop doing it?”
Exactly. Why can’t we just stop doing stupid, no-upside things? Why keep running backwards until we fall off one of the earth’s flat edges?
Last week Vanderbilt coach Kevin Stallings was thrown on the defensive for an understandable, excusable, even admirable act. He demanded minimally civil behavior from one of his players.
After Vandy’s ESPN2 win at Tennessee on Thursday, freshman Wade Baldwin, who’d been scolded before for misconduct, taunted a UT player. Yep, another bad winner; they’re very in. (See: Seattle DB Richard Sherman, TV attention/endorsements money.)
Despite Vandy’s win at an in-state rival, Stallings lost it. He grabbed Wade and in a half-contained, teeth-gritted, frustrated holler, and said, “I’ll [bleepin’] kill you.”
That was heard and seen on TV. Thus that became the story — Stallings, another wild-man, kid-abusive coach!
What wasn’t as newsworthy was what Stallings next told Baldwin: “I’ve told you 100 times!”
Significant context, but context schmontext. He cursed at his own kid! And it was all on TV, next day, the day after, too!
Who cares if Stallings cursed at the kid because — here’s thinking of you, Dad — he was bleepin’ furious with him for ignoring his counsel to grow up? Stallings apologized for his language and for losing it — but promised to continue to stress sportsmanship.
Once again, what makes big news and big noise becomes a matter of video and/or audio, not context, not degree. A month ago, two Vanderbilt football players were found guilty of an on-campus rape. That has made a flake of news compared with that Stallings video. For all the assaults of women by pro and student-athletes, why did the Ray Rice episode become huge? Video, as seen on TV!
With running backwards the rage, it would be difficult to concoct a more appropriately inane discussion than the one about court-storming, Saturday on ESPN. The issue was resurrected following two, same-week, on-ESPN cases, one of which was exceptionally dangerous and violent. The semi-riot following Kansas-Kansas State led to an arrest for disorderly conduct.
This wouldn’t have been a topic had there not been provocative episodes days before. Yet, this panel not only continued to measure the “merits” of court-storming, the majority concluded it’s a good thing — as long as no one gets hurt!
Only the youngest panelist, former Duke star Jay Williams, 33, spoke as a clear-headed adult. He called it “dangerous, madness,” emphasizing it’s not just the visiting team that’s imperiled, citing the hero of a high school game who was left paralyzed in a court-storming.
But Williams was ignored. After the panel discussed the advanced ages of many security personnel as a cause for court-storming, seriously! deep-thinking ESPN go-to guy Stephen A. Smith had the answer: “Hire extra security, put ’em by the visitors’ bench, call it a day.”
How does that eliminate countless dangers created by surging, 10-deep “3-2-1-Go!” mobs?
Seth Greenberg, former Virginia Tech coach, relied on ridiculous rationalizations to excuse K-State’s mob-rush: “That was a legal court-storming because it was a Top-10 win and a rivalry game. And the place was packed. That’s good for college basketball, good for everyone. … There is a liability concern.”
A liability concern? Based on what? The inherent, inescapable dangers of court-storming! Think that K-State student cited for trying to further a riot can use “Top-10 win, rivalry game” as his “legal court-storming” defense? Think those helpless at the bottom of a pile-up are thinking, “This is good for college basketball!”?
“Liability concerns” aside, Greenberg concluded, “Court-storming is great for college basketball.” Thus he’d encourage the college kids in his life to get in the middle of them?
Jay Bilas, previously supportive of stormings, now sees it both ways. As if. He also sees it having become a fad, more a matter of obligation than spontaneity. Agreed.
But Bilas concluded: “It’s not necessary, but if you want to do it, that’s fine. But have the proper security. … It might be a little dangerous.”
Huh? Why would it be “fine” to do if you need “proper” security to stop it? Maybe sell Personal Court-Storming Licenses (PCSLs) — only the first 1,000 allowed to storm the court.
As Lon asked, “Couldn’t I just stop doing it?”
New standards: Modesty in boasting
Something new in pandering: Praise for the stunningly stupid.
The Knicks beat the Raptors by five on Saturday, aided by DeMar DeRozan’s breakaway layup miss when he preceded an otherwise easy two with a 360-degree showboat sinking.
At halftime, when MSG showed this clip followed by DeRozan grinning after it, Al Trautwig said, “He’s good enough to smile about it.” Yeah, he’s a modest show-off, a willing, grinning fool. Look how well he took it! Certainly better than his coach.
Some truths, no matter how unpopular, impolitic or when spoken, are appreciated. With all the fond, floral, whatta guy! memories of Anthony Mason flooding in, WFAN’s Richard Neer, Saturday, reminded listeners Mason had a lengthy, criminal “dark side.”
Friday, after the Knicks’ 2OT win in Detroit, MSG’s Tina Cervasio asked Lou Amundson about succeeding against bigger forwards Greg Monroe and Andre Drummond: “What did you have to do to outwork them?”
Lakers’ Byron Scott (Sunday vs. Celts) and Pistons’ Stan Van Gundy (Friday vs. Knicks) became the latest coaches to allow an opponent to tie the game with a 3-point shot with under 10 seconds left, rather than foul.
Reader Gary Drake, Palermo, Italy, asks if MLB’s new pace-of-play rules calls will be reviewable via replay-rule review stoppages.