Have you “issued a statement” today? If not, why not?
Mets reliever Jenrry Mejia has been suspended for 80 games following a positive test for Stanozol, a synthetic anabolic steroid. In an “issued statement,” Mejia claimed he didn’t know how the Stanozol wound up in his body, but he did name the primary suspect: God.
“In life,” his statement concluded, “I know God puts certain obstacles in your path, and this is something else I know I will overcome.”
Hmmm. Must’ve been God who made Mejia into an all-about-me, showboating fool after saves.
Regardless, Mejia’s outlook on God is refreshingly different. After players score touchdowns, hit home runs or even infield singles, many point to the heavens to give thanks. In Mejia’s case, he may be the first to point to the sky after fumbling at the goal line.
As for being busted for Stanozol, PED experts tell us, because it’s a synthetic steroid, it is as easy to detect as garlic. That is why failed drug tests are often compared to failed IQ tests.
Anyway, in spite of this nasty trick God played on Mejia, we’re reminded of W.C. Fields, who referred to the booze he drank on movie sets as his “pineapple juice.” After he told a new production assistant to bring him his pineapple juice, Fields took a gulp then, outraged, shouted, “Who put pineapple juice in my pineapple juice?”
Which brings us, strangely enough, to Aaron Hernandez, who wasn’t the only ex-NFLer nailed for murder last week. Running back Lawrence Phillips — first-round, sixth overall pick by the Rams in the 1996 draft — is suspected of the strangulation homicide of cellmate Damion Soward. That’s of particular interest given Phillips’ extensive rap sheet is loaded with arrests for choking women.
In 2008, Phillips began serving a 31-year sentence for “inflicting great bodily injury involving domestic violence, corporal injury to a spouse, false imprisonment and vehicle theft.”
Phillips got in that kind of trouble while a full-scholarship student-athlete at Nebraska. He once dragged his girlfriend, a Nebraska student, down a flight of stairs before beating her. He was sentenced to a year’s probation, but only briefly suspended from football. He returned to start in the 1996 Fiesta Bowl — his two TDs and 165 rushing yards helped Nebraska win the national title.
Fact is, those Nebraska teams got in that kind of trouble, too. Rapes, guns, assaults, physical abuse of women, even a second-degree murder charge. But Tom Osborne was hired to win football games. And the state of Nebraska loved him for it, unconditionally.
In fact, when Osborne ran for Congress from a district he hadn’t lived in for years, he received a staggering 83 percent of the vote. And despite coaching teams that annually succeeded by his recruitment of dangerous creeps, Osborne campaigned on a law-and-order, family values platform.
Didn’t make sense then, doesn’t now. Osborne ran a filthy program, was elected as Mr. Clean. After politics, he returned as Nebraska’s AD.
And that brings us, believe it or not, to Islanders’ TV analyst Butch Goring.
After a note here Monday about how Goring, despite winning the NHL’s two trophies for sportsmanlike conduct, seemed to thoroughly enjoy an on-ice, head-hunting fistfight, several readers reminded us of colleague Larry Brooks’ February piece in which Goring was identified as a plaintiff in a lawsuit against the NHL as per concussion liability.
Back to W.C. Fields: “Horse sense is what a horse has that keeps it from betting on people.”
‘Playing it by book’ often ignores common sense
As baseball becomes more compartmentalized and formula-driven, practical, applicable sense continues to take a beating. “Your job is to pitch the first six innings, your job is to pitch the seventh, you pitch the eighth, and you’ll be our closer, you pitch the ninth.”
It’s the new “book,” as in “play it by the book.” But there is no book — never has been, never will be.
As reader Mike DiSarle noted for us, the Mariners were up, 7-3, against the A’s on Sunday when manager Lloyd McClendon brought in Charles Furbush to pitch the eighth. Furbush got ’em in order — a strikeout and two grounders to second on just eight pitches.
But the Mariners win it in 10. Rodney doesn’t receive a blown save because he entered with a four-run lead, but he gets the win. And another game managed by “the book.” Lather, rinse, repeat.
About that Britt McHenry video: It’s stunning to watch and listen to a young woman, after being given fair warning, do such career damage — perhaps irreparable — to herself. Britt went brat, as in a superiority complex mixed with excessive and vulgar verbal cruelty.
Her debating skill? “I’m in the news, sweetheart” became her haughty, ugly, shallow autobiographical sketch, an abuse of even imaginary entitlement and credentials.
And even after the cashier politely warned her to cool it because she was being videotaped, McHenry persisted in her punkish put-downs of the woman based on nothing better than McHenry’s ESPN pretty-girl pedigree.
Keith slams ‘dunk’
Short Attention Span Park: Keith Hernandez was appalled that the Mets would have a dunking tank — the victim wearing a Phillies jersey — during the Mets’ home opener.
“Was that a live shot?” he asked on SNY during the third inning. “It was,” said Gary Cohen.
“There’s a ballgame going on,” Hernandez scolded. “Do that stuff before the game.”
Agreed! But hey, expensive tickets, cheap thrills.
Best stat from the entire NBA season? Try this: In last Sunday’s loss to the Pacers, the Thunder were 11-of-28 — 39 percent — from both the 3-point line and the free-throw line.
Dontrelle Willis, let’s-have-fun Marlins pitching star until suddenly he had nothing, has been added to FOX’s MLB studio.
Athletes of the Week
A few yards from the finish line in the Pepsi Invitational, Oregon (Univ. of Nike) steeplechase runner Tanguy Pepiot slowed to celebrate himself — and gesture to the crowd to cheer his victory — when Washington’s Meron Simon blew past him to win. (Check the Pac-12 Network video.)
Given all the Basketball Hall of Fame college coaches whose teams had to “vacate” wins and championships because the coaches cheated, when does the Hall, in neon lights, show “No Vacancies”?
As long as the Yankees are back on Ch. 11, how about “Abbott & Costello” during rain delays? Seriously.