There’s nothing understated or modest about the women on the “Housewives” franchises — and that includes their vacations, which typically include wine-fueled, profanity-laced squabbles set against lush, luxurious backdrops.
Most recently, for example, viewers hopped on the emotional rollercoaster and joined “The Real Housewives of New York City” in Turks & Caicos, and “The Real Housewives of Orange County” in Napa Valley.
Here, where to check-in for the ultimate “Housewives” holiday:
GANSEVOORT; TURKS & CAICOS
View videoAs part of a four-episode arc that ends tonight, “The Real Housewives of New York City” are in the Turks and Caicos, staying at the super-chic, 91-room Gansevoort.A stunning beachfront property, its hallmarks are a 7,000-square-foot infinity pool and the Exhale Spa. At one point during their stay, Bethenny Frankel lays into Sonja Morgan during dinner about partying too much.
Bethenny’s best line? “You like to get f—ed to escape! You’re acting stupid!” Responds an unfazed Morgan: “Did I get where I am by acting stupid?”
SILVERADO RESORT & SPA; NAPA, CALIF.
Heather Dubrow and her “Real Housewives of Orange County” cohorts travelled to Napa Valley on a recent episode to fete the launch of her new sparkling wine, Collette. The high-end hotties stayed at the 1,200-acre, 380-room Silverado, which features 10 outdoor pools, 10 tennis courts and two 18-hole golf courses. While visiting a vineyard, Tamra Judge drankdirectly from a wine barrel. “You know it tastes better when you suck it out of the cylinder,” she imparted.
DE L’EUROPE; AMSTERDAM
View videoEarlier this year, “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” brought the drama and dysfunction to Amsterdam, where they stayed at the opulent De L’Europe. Owned by the Heineken family and built in 1896, the 88-room property houses the 2-Michelin-starred Bord’Eau restaurant, and a Leading Spa of the World. Classic moments from the Housewives’ Dutch getaway include a coffeehouse visit, during which Brandi Glanville assumes the role of pot know-it-all, explaining the types of marijuana and how to roll a joint. After “space cake” is served, things get very giggly.
THE FARM AT SAN BENITO; MOUNT MALARAYAT, PHILIPPINES
“The Real Housewives of Atlanta” headed in March to The Farm at San Benito, a resort that specializes in “wellness holidays” and “healing retreats” supervised by physicians, movement consultants and living food chefs. The trip was more warm-and-fuzzy than expected: Claudia Jordan invited Phaedra Parks to lunch to hash things out, while Kandi Burruss and Parks also meet at the Healing Sanctuary to mend fences. A naughty moment? The women smuggle in chicken and alcohol for dinner — a wellness no-no.
LA MAMOUNIA; MARRAKESH, MOROCCO
View video“The Real Housewives of New York City’s” Countess LuAnn de Lesseps arranged a trip during the show’s fourth season to the 136-room La Mamounia hotel in Marrakesh.
The 1923 property oozes Moorish opulence: Think hand-cut tiles, wood marquetry walls and plaster columns with carved ornate designs.
The women rode camels, took belly dancing lessons, bargain-hunted in the souk, and consulted with psychics — one of whom claimed Ramona Singer’s then-husband Mario was cheating.
THE BORGATA; ATLANTIC CITY, NJ
CASA DORADA; CABO SAN LUCAS, MEXICO
ANI VILLAS; ANGUILLA
A ten-bedroom estate perched on limestone cliffs overlooking Little Bay, Ani Villas served as the backdrop for an epic fifth-season episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Tranquility doesn’t come cheap, though: A weeklong stay can top $90,000. A classic moment was when Kenya Moore — there with then-boyfriend Walter Jackson —flirts with Phaedra Parks’ then-husband Apollo Nida, whom she playfully tosses into the pool. Apollo then picks up giggly, fully clothed Moore and tosses her into the pool. “Keep your filthy paws off of Apollo,” hisses Parks.
EL CONQUISTADOR; FAJARDO, PUERTO RICO
The cast of “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” headed to Puerto Rico during the fourth season, and stayed at the El Conquistador, a 936-room Waldorf Astoria property perched atop a 300-foot cliff on the island’s northeast coast. With a three-story spa, a 2.4-acre water park, a golf course, and a private island, it’s the ultimate getaway. But things were far from calming: Brandi Glanville and Yolanda Foster tear into Lisa Vanderpump over dinner for being an all-around awful person, prompting Vanderpump to break down into a hysterical fit of tears.
THE TUSCANY; NEW YORK, NY
During the fourth season of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta,” NeNe Leakes and Cynthia Bailey headed to Manhattan for a business trip. The pair stayed at The Tuscany, a 124-room boutique hotel in Murray Hill with an art deco-inspired décor and gorgeous rooms with hardwood entryways. It was a productive trip: Bailey met with her ex, Russell Simmons, who offered business advice on her modeling school, while Leakes was showered with gifts, and wined-and-dined by business partner John Kolaj.