Welcome to this week, one unlikely to provide relief from last week. If you thought we weren’t in trouble besides agreeing to a nuclear deal with the Islamic Republic of Iran, did you see which famous athlete was chosen to be honored on national TV by a TV network?
No, not Disney/ABC/ESPN’s see-through, insincere choice of Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner — now available for magazine covers, glamour shoots, TV interviews, awards shows, graduation parties and proms — for its Arthur Ashe Courage Award.
I’m referring to Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice Sports Awards. A top honor went to Marshawn Lynch, the Seahawks’ star who unapologetically, remorselessly and defiantly grabs his crotch after scoring.
Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice honoree even chose to grab his crotch during January’s NFC Championship game, seen by 50 million Americans. His meager $20,000 fine was offset — rewarded — by an underwear company seeking to commercially exploit Lynch’s crude behavior.
Shucks, John McEnroe still is cashing in, appearing in commercials celebrating his spoiled-brat on-court behavior. Pete Rose lands endorsement deals with mirthful themes based on his denied entry into the Hall of Fame for on-the-baseball-job baseball gambling.
To the spoilers go the spoils. It’s called popular culture, kids. Tag, you’re it! What once got you fired now gets you hired. Those now most qualified are those who once would have been disqualified.
Incidentally, according to an eyewitness, those friends and family of Jenner seen in the audience as Jenner accepted her ESPY, arrived just before the presentation and bolted the moment that segment ended. More of what it stunk like — a shallow, made-by and made-for TV set-up. The seats were then reoccupied by seat-fillers.
Also last week, the ESPN-enriched SEC announced it will form a “working group,” whatever that means, to study what Commissioner Greg Sankey said will “minimize conduct issues,” whatever that means.
In plainer, clearer words, SEC football and men’s basketball have grown top-heavy with criminal conduct issues.
Here’s a crazy idea, Commissioner: Stop recruiting — on full scholarships, no less — those who have no business being enrolled in an SEC college, unless winning ballgames is a legit mission as listed in the schools’ charters.
Of course, that’s not going to happen. But forming a “working group” to consider the problems sure sounds good.
After all, you and I easily could fix the problems that confront the SEC.
And we could have eliminated the transparent, exploitative selection of Jenner as legit winner of the Ashe Courage Award. We could have found 20 athletes more deserving.
And if we ran a kids’ network, crotch-grabbing Marshawn Lynch would not have been eligible to win any award.
But that kind of problem solving would cost us our jobs.
McDonough lands in rough for speaking truth
Fascinating, how the telling of certain not-so-pretty truths by those few commentators who speak them make other commentators squirm. Equally fascinating is that incurable truth-teller, ESPN’s Sean McDonough, remains underrated and underplayed — perhaps because he tells such truths.
During Friday’s British Open coverage, Henrik Stenson was about to putt when McDonough calmly said that Stenson “has had major financial issues, lost a lot of money — reportedly $12 million — in that Allen Stanford investment scandal. [Stanford’s] now in prison.”
Some uneasy laughter was heard from other commentators, as if McDonough had violated a rule. “Not quite Hell’s Bunker,” McDonough quipped of Stanford’s incarceration.
More uneasy laughs. But no words.
“I’ve been here a long time today, did you know that?” McDonough said, feeling the uneasiness. “And I’m told from the truck, not much longer.”
More uneasy laughter. But why would the shot-callers in the truck object to what McDonough said? It was a good, quick, interesting real-life story — a well-known pro had lost millions to an infamous Ponzi scammer. It was beyond the ordinary, the greens-hit-in-regulation stuff.
But you would have though he had said something horrible.
Colin Cowherd is what we should want in a radio/TV sports talker. He is provocative but clean. He is clever, not forced; opinionated yet open-minded; well-informed but not overbearing; confident but not conceited.
He can attract and sustain a sports audience without any obligatory, low-brow, hot-babe “guy talk.”
But as he leaves ESPN, likely headed to FOX, FOX has a chance to get it — and him — right.
FOX should encourage Cowherd to speak his mind, not serve as a FOX shill, to rely on guests who have something to say and something worth hearing, rather than to promote FOX hires, events, products and its biggest-ticket partners — MLB, the NFL and NCAA.
If FOX would insist Cowherd not serve as a shill — unburden himself from ESPN’s transparent, serve-the-Fatherland duties — they will have landed a good one for all the right reasons.
No plain English at British
ESPN’s Scott Van Pelt couldn’t leave plenty good enough alone, couldn’t avoid silly, parroted, sounds-good/means-nothing golf-talk — the stuff only heard on TV, never among golfers.
Thursday, with Sergio Garcia about to hit his approach to 17, Van Pelt said, “If you want to feel old, this is his 19th Open championship — 19th.” Good stuff; that is noteworthy. Now let it be.
But then he said of Garcia, “He’s one of the best strikers of the golf ball in the world.”
That’s one those newer meaningless expressions, like “score the basketball.” Who out there isn’t a world-class “striker of the golf ball”? Tell us, who out there doesn’t strike the golf ball that well? That’s a golf ball they’re striking?
And as if to remind Van Pelt and viewers how silly that expression is, Garcia next hit it short; he struck the golf ball into a bunker.
From reader Tom Berti: Have you noticed that since John Kerry returned from Iran with that nuclear deal, the entire right-wing world has been comparing him to Wilt Chamberlain? Chamberlain? Aside from scoring 100 points against the Knicks, what did he do?”
Dolan Summer Classic Movies: Two of MSG’s four premium sports channels last week, for roughly the 200th time, showed “Serpico” and “Donnie Brasco.” How about something else, already, Jimmy, say, “The Best of Giuseppe Franco”?
ESPN’s Open coverage thus far has done a good job hushing up, allowing us to hear caddies and players discussing the next shot.
Many “fans” of our local pro soccer league are compelled to adhere to the international code — drunk and disorderly, vulgar and violent. Right out of central casting.
Golf buddy Terry Rosenthal can’t figure it out. “In our British Open pool, 18 guys chose Tiger Woods, ranked 241st in the word. But not one chose the 240th player.”