It’s easier than ever to stay connected thanks to email, iPhones and Snapchat — but making someone feel cared for is still a challenge. Luckily, this can be learned, and it’s not rocket science, says Jeanne Segal in her new book, “Feeling Loved: The Science of Nurturing Meaningful Connections and Building Lasting Happiness.”
Segal gave us her four top tips on creating a relationship of substance with any person in your daily life.
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Keep distractions at bay. Some things you can multitask; a conversation isn’t one of them. “If I’m not calm and focused, not much real interactive communication will happen,” says Segal. When you meet a friend for lunch, take a few deep breaths to clear your mind, put away the iPhone and commit to being in the moment.
Pick up on nonverbal cues. “The face muscles signal emotional expressions,” says Segal. “If the words say one thing and the muscles around the face say another, people will sense that. So instead of looking at your cellphone, make sure you’re looking at the person and reacting.”
Remember to actually listen. Go ahead and listen to your co-worker gripe about a new policy — even if you don’t agree. “Be willing to start out as a listener,” Segal insists. “That’s what charisma is about.”
Don’t fake it. It’s easier to spot disingenuous emotion than you think — and it’s the fastest way to end a conversation.