Fans of the new movie “Suicide Squad” need their mommies and some pacifiers.
After the comic-book flick opened to scathing reviews this week — The Post’s Kyle Smith called it “a demolition derby of barely explained action and droll quips” — a group of disgruntled devotees began a pointless petition to shut down RottenTomatoes.com, an aggregator of reviews, where the movie scored a measly 30 percent.
On a Change.org page, cutely called “Don’t listen to film criticism,” fearless leader Abdullah Coldwater wrote in a statement, “The aim of the petition is to deliver a message to the critics that there is a lot of people disagree with their reviews.”
Disagree? Impossible!
On behalf of the dwindling number of writers who are paid to opine about entertainment for a readership, I thank you, Abdullah, for informing us that some people don’t appreciate our opinions.
We didn’t know, Abdullah, because social media is such a cordial, respectful and restrained discussion forum. Nobody told us. And we will henceforth make every possible effort to tailor our reviews and columns to perfectly align with the beliefs of you and the other 3 billion people worldwide with Internet access.
Or, here’s another suggestion: Coldwater and the 19,900 people who signed his moronic time-suck of a form could grow up and refuse to let a few professional writers take away whatever joy this crummy movie gives them. Real fans have pride in their passion instead of childishly shaming anybody who doesn’t agree with it.
‘Critics always give The DC Extended Universe movies unjust Bad Reviews’
- Abdullah Coldwater
“Critics always give The DC Extended Universe movies unjust Bad Reviews,” he wrote. Yes, they do, Abdullah, because the meager three DC Extended Universe movies — “Man of Steel,” “Batman v Superman” and “Suicide Squad” — were all, in most writers’ estimations, totally worthless.
Like a “War and Peace”-length Facebook post begging pals to vote for a particular presidential candidate, no silly petition will change the hive mind of crotchety critics, or shut down a well-meaning Web site that helps consumers figure out how to spend their hard-earned cash.
Face it, Abdullah, the critics hate your lady love “Suicide Squad” and her bummer BFFs. There will always be someone who loathes something you cherish.
And that’s OK. The critics hated movies I enjoyed, like “Mamma Mia!,” “Twister,” “The Holiday” and “Labyrinth,” and I didn’t troll them on Twitter or start a meaningless petition with no intention of a realistic outcome. It’s satisfying enough just to rewatch those terrific films.
Actually, those jerk critics were entirely wrong about “Labyrinth.” David Bowie’s work was genius and it represents, in my opinion, Jim Henson at the top of his game.
Abdullah, where do I sign?