Who is the worst helicopter parent in America? You know, the one who won’t let the kids go anywhere alone, the one who is sure that around every corner of the house and playground is some risk of serious harm and takes it as their mission in life to prevent every little possible bad thing from ever happening to their children? The one who is always yelling about the worst thing that might happen?
Uncle Sam, that’s who.
I should know. Uncle Sam — in the form of the state of Pennsylvania — told me that I couldn’t have my son swaddled at day care. Imagine it. Wrapping babies tightly in a blanket, somewhat akin to a burrito, has been done by parents and caretakers for thousands of years, since the time of Jesus Christ, and yet Pennsylvania’s rule makers decided it might not be safe so they said don’t do it.
I was already used to having the rules piled on at my kids’ licensed day care, but when I was told that the one method that helped my child to sleep was banned, something changed. I stopped being a regular mom who was annoyed at a bunch of rules that conflicted with my private choices.
Instead, I became Captain Mommy — a mother advocating for the freedom to parent my own children, in my own way. And I decided to find out how bad this problem really was and how many other parents were having the same trouble. I learned that I didn’t know the half of it.
My new book, “No Child Left Alone: Getting the Government Out of Parenting” chronicles the growing problem of an intrusive and interfering state breathing down the necks of the average American parent. Mothers and fathers, married and single, rich and poor, in cities and suburbs, all kinds of parents all over this country have been criminalized for private choices.
Moms and dads have been arrested for letting their kids walk alone to the park or to McDonald’s. Uncle Sam has decided that every mother should breast-feed. Toys, games and kids’ products are banned by the Consumer Product Safety Commission. Public schools collect health information on our kids, and the USDA has put school students on a one-size-fits-all restricted-calorie diet. When child welfare removes kids from their parents for the “crime” of obesity, it is defining parents as perpetrators not as partners in the well-being of children.
Mothers and fathers, married and single, rich and poor, in cities and suburbs, all kinds of parents all over this country have been criminalized for private choices.
My book isn’t just about everything that is wrong with how government treats parents. When I went looking for stories of how the local, state and federal governments make rules and mandates for how to raise children, I also found a whole lot of moms and dads who are trying to fight back. There is a growing army of Captain Mommies and Captain Daddies out there. People who have run up against the overbearing and intrusive nanny state now planting their feet and deciding to fight back.
I spoke to Captain Mommy Jennifer Ani in California, who became a lawyer just so she could protect the right of parents who have been unfairly harassed by Child Protective Services. She had been a mortgage broker, but her life changed when she was in the hospital after giving birth to her daughter.
“I hit all the red flags,” she admitted. “Single mom, unemployed,” though she did own her own home, which she believes made all the difference. So she agreed to a home visit with a public health nurse to avoid having any escalation or having to deal with CPS. It all went smoothly, but the experience sent her to law school to become an advocate for parents and their kids. “I have two goals,” explains Ani. “Get the kids home, and get them out of the system.”
Suzanne Barston became a Captain Mommy over what she calls her quest for “feeding freedom” when it comes to infants and babies. Public hospitals, ObamaCare rules and even the food-stamp program WIC pressure women to opt for breast-feeding over formula.
Barston rejects that government should even have an opinion. “You are talking about my body as if it is state property,” Barston complains of government policies, like the one at New York City hospitals that puts formula under lock and key.
Mike Lanza is a Captain Daddy because he wants to encourage free play. Lanza started out creating a play space in front of his house — what he and his wife call the frontyard family room — and ignoring their indoor spaces. He opened his front yard to any local kids who want to come and hang out and he wrote a book explaining it all. His goal is to change the current sedentary, atomized, dependent, inside culture into more of an outside, independent, social and active one.
There is no one way to raise children, but I’ve found out that there are regulators, bureaucrats and politicians who think they have the best — the only — way. With the blunt force of government power behind their policies, it is going to require a lot of work by every Captain Mommy and Daddy out there to take back the freedom to raise our own kids.
Abby W. Schachter is the author of “No Child Left Alone: Getting the Government Out of Parenting,” out this month. She blogs at captainmommy.com