The Giants’ offensive line is doing the same thing to Don La Greca’s mind as it is to Eli Manning’s body.
The ESPN Radio co-host screamed until his face turned purple, until his speech adopted an impediment, until he could not scream anymore in a Wednesday rant that summed up a Giants fan’s feelings on the start of this football season.
Dropping two games in humiliating fashion — with the offensive line unable to keep Manning upright — is not what set off the Michael Kay sidekick. No, it’s the alleged NFL experts who excuse how the line has performed who broke him.
“Stop creating some narrative that everyone knows football better than somebody else. Your eyeballs tell the story,” La Greca began in a nearly two-minute eruption. “The offensive line sucks. Period. That’s my stat. You want a stat? You want sabermetrics? … Give me a break. That’s what we’re going to do, Michael? We’re going to be like accountants now on baseball? What is it, the Pythagorean theorem?”
Math plus football equals La Greca meltdown.
At this point, as an apparent jab at those nerds, he adopted a lisp.
“The Pythagorean theorem says that the Giants’ offensive line, their record should be 2-0,” he said before letting out grunts, apparently his impression of what studious football minds sound like.
“People that trust the Pythagorean theorem, the people that listen to the Pythagorean theorem, the people that sit there at their desks that only know the naked body through National Geographic, that do the math that come up with the Pythagorean theorem, that’s what they sound like,” La Greca said before he let out more grunts that would make Carlos Mencia proud.
“It’s football. I’ve been watching it for 40 years. Forty! Forty years! That’s one of the worst offensive lines I’ve ever seen. And they have not gone this long without scoring 20 points since ’77-78, when Joe Pisarcik was their quarterback. Paterson plank Joe! So take that to your Pythagorean theorem. The Joe Pisarcik theorem. You’re dead.”