Bundle up — it’s spoiler season!
As fall comes to a close, TV dramas are unveiling their unexpected plot twists, tight-lipped movies are packing theaters and brand-new plays are opening on Broadway.
Just be careful whom you talk to about them.
Friends are at each other’s throats more than ever over spoilers — plot points given away ahead of time — because of how social media has enabled easily sharing delicate tidbits.
Some culture buffs want to know every single detail, while their polar opposites wish to walk in as a totally clean slate. Here, Post movie critics Sara Stewart and Johnny Oleksinski duke it out about spoilers.
Sara says: ‘Stop ruining it for everyone’
I’m old enough to remember the word “spoilsport,” meaning someone who ruins everyone’s good time. That’s what I think of people who blurt out movie plot twists — they themselves are spoilers, of our collective viewing fun. And yet this infernal debate persists: Does giving away the ending matter?
Spoilers are one big exercise in narcissism: To reveal an ending is to make the movie or show all about you.
To anyone who appreciates a good story well told, obviously it does. Recently the whole world split into two camps: people who’d binge-watched “Stranger Things 2,” and people who stuck their fingers in their ears and walked away when you brought up Steve’s hair secret. “Blade Runner 2049” director Denis Villeneuve took a ballsy anti-spoiler stance this fall when he made film critics vow not to reveal any plot twists. I respected him for it, though I will now share the news that Harrison Ford’s character is … still a big drag. I’ve even warned readers about a spoiler in my “Justice League” review today, although it’s in every trailer. Proceed at your own risk, man — I’m not here to Snape your Dumbledore.
Spoilers are one big exercise in narcissism: To reveal an ending is to make the movie or show all about you; to announce your opinion’s more important than anyone else’s right to be surprised. Still, being the first at anything online, whether announcing a celeb death or snarking a retort to a politician’s tweet, does snag you those all-important clicks. So I’m pretty sure spoiler culture is here to stay, though I’ll do my part not to indulge it — and I’ll stay offline if there’s anything I want to watch in peace. Or in nail-biting suspense.
But yes, there are time limits. I’m OK, for example, letting the cat out of the bag on the baddie in “The Usual Suspects.” It’s Christopher Plummer now, right?
Johnny says: ‘It’s time to grow up’
The spoiler insanity has reached hysteric proportions.
These days, pretty much everything can be spoiled, from decades-old novels to tennis matches to even the Oscars.
Gone are the carefree days of the water cooler, when you could debate the latest developments of “Lost” or repeat hilarious new “Seinfeld” catchphrases the day after an episode aired. Now, your pal’s pathetic line is always the same: “Don’t tell me what happens! I haven’t seen it yet!”
I’m sorry to burst your perfect bubble of childlike ignorance, but it’s not your friends’ job to protect you from relevant conversation topics. Prematurely hearing that Snape kills Dumbledore is not a tragic event.
Pleasant conversations have turned into a game of Jenga. You tread carefully, innocuously placing block atop block, until you absentmindedly reveal that Diane Lane doesn’t marry Marcello at the end of “Under the Tuscan Sun.” And it all comes crashing down.
I’m sorry to burst your perfect bubble of childlike ignorance, but it’s not your friends’ job to protect you from relevant conversation topics.
OMG! You’ve ruined it! What if I maybe possibly kinda want to watch that someday!
Why does knowing the plot have to wreck your experience? Are enduring stories such as “Hamlet,” “Star Wars” and Puccini’s “La Bohème” worthless because we already know who dies? Obviously not. But it gets even worse.
One friend was recently chastised by a moron for spoiling “Hamilton,” a musical retelling of actual historical events that occurred during the Revolutionary War. I dearly hope that high school teachers all across America are spoiling “Hamilton” right now.
The Twitter hashtag for the new “Harry Potter and the Cursed Child” play coming to Broadway in the spring is #KeepTheSecrets. Well, J.K. Rowling and producers, you gave away the precious secrets over a year ago when you published the script with a gigantic first printing of 4.5 million copies. My hashtag? #F - - kYourSecrets.
Great plays, shows and movies shouldn’t rely entirely on one wild twist. Ideally, they’re artful and emotionally fulfilling journeys. No one — and I mean no one — can spoil my sobs during the last scene of “Titanic.”