No one ever said dating was easy.
The endless dinners, flirtations and mixed messages have always frustrated singletons looking for love, but 2017 ushered in a whole new world of horrors that make finding your other half seem even more torturous.
From the reason most people use Tinder to the worst first date story in history — it turns out it isn’t just a jungle out there, it’s a total nightmare.
After checking out the year’s worst dating stories, you may just want to stay single forever.
1. ‘Stealthing’
In April, a disturbing sex trend was finally given a name.
The rise of “stealthing” — when a man secretly removes his condom during sex — was documented in a report, arguing that the act should be classified as a form of sexual assault.
The report’s author spoke with dozens of victims and said they had trouble articulating what exactly had happened to them and whether they should feel violated.
“One of my goals with the article and in proposing a new statute is to provide a vocabulary and create ways for people to talk about what is a really common experience that just is too often dismissed as just ‘bad sex’ instead of ‘violence,’” Alexandra Brodsky told the Huffington Post.
Since the report came out, two US legislators, Ro Khanna of California and Carolyn Maloney of New York, have been working to get it classified as rape. In October, a newly proposed New York law would allow “stealthing” victims to sue their partner and collect compensatory damages.
2. ‘Love bombing’
If your new partner went from doting to controlling so fast it gave you whiplash, you might have been “love bombed.”
The seductive tactic is especially prevalent in people with narcissistic qualities who use “love bombing” as a way to control another person.
“If extravagant displays of affection continue indefinitely, if actions match words and there is no devaluation phase, then it’s probably not love bombing,” Dale Archer, a psychiatrist who first labeled the behavior, wrote in Psychology Today. “On the other hand, if there’s an abrupt shift in the type of attention, from affectionate and loving to controlling and angry, with the pursuing partner making unreasonable demands, that’s a red flag.”
3. ‘Chemsex’
Getting high and hooking up isn’t new, but these drug-fueled romps are getting people hooked.
“Chemsex” parties, also known as “PnP” or “Party and Play,” are where people have sex on everything from crystal meth to ketamine to cocaine. The term has been popular within metropolitan gay and bisexual cultures for a long time, but has recently entered the mainstream.
“When you have chemsex, it’s like you’re pushing to annihilate sexual boundaries and each other … you name it, I did it,” a 30-year-old HR professional in Australia told whimn. “Then came the comedown and the shame — terrible Tuesdays, followed by weepy Wednesdays. Then I’d be ready to party again on Thursday. I didn’t recognize myself as a pockmark-faced addict portrayed on the anti-meth ads.”
In March, a high-profile 55-year-old Australian economist was sentenced to five years in prison for supplying drugs for “chemsex” parties he hosted with his 20-year-old girlfriend.
4. ‘Phubbing’
If you can’t put down your phone and listen to your parter, you’re probably a “phubber.”
“Phubbing” is when a notification on your smartphone gives you a bigger sense of satisfaction than spending time with someone you care about. Apart from being extremely annoying, “phubbing” has been shown to affect a partner the same way a behavioral addiction, like gambling or drinking, would.
Forty-six percent of people reported being “phubbed” by their partner, with 22 percent reporting that their relationship suffered because of it, according to a study published in March.
“Although the stated purpose of technology like smartphones is to help us connect with others, in this particular instance, it does not,” Meredith E. David and James A. Roberts, co-authors of the study, wrote in their report. “Ironically, the very technology that was designed to bring humans closer together has isolated us from these very same people.”
5. Consent still confuses men
This year marked a huge turning point for the way we discuss and address sexual assault, consent and harassment.
Unfortunately, most men are still confused about what consent is.
Consent is defined by the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network as “an agreement between participants to engage in sexual activity.” But a lot of men think that someone merely expressing sexual desire implies consent, according to a study published in December in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence.
The study took 145 heterosexual male university students and had them fill out a questionnaire about various sexual situations. Overall, they couldn’t figure out when someone was consenting and when someone was flirting.
“Men tended to confuse their perception that the woman was sexually interested with her consent to sexual intercourse,” Richard Mattson, co-author of the study, told Moneyish. “It’s not just a few men that you have to be wary of; it’s within certain situations, a good many men may be prone to this kind of behavior.”