You know the scene in “The Simpsons” when Sideshow Bob steps on nine rakes, one after another, each slamming into his face, and you turn from amused to impatient to giddy as you watch this seemingly interminable comedy of errors?
Baseball’s 2017-18 free agency is on, let’s say, its eighth rake now.
With the calendar turning to February, 17 of The Post’s top-30 free agents remain unsigned, compared to just four of 30 at this juncture last year, and well more than 100 guys overall seek employment.
We’re beyond merely wondering when the heck stars like Yu Darvish and Eric Hosmer will sign new contracts. We’re contemplating the future of the sport, the sturdiness of free agency and the hole in which the players have placed themselves after negotiating a highly unfavorable collective bargaining agreement.
Dodgers closer Kenley Jansen made waves this past week when, in response to the slow-moving market and several teams not being all-in on winning, he told reporters, “Maybe we have to go on strike, to be honest with you.” And while that’s one guy — a good guy, to be clear — perhaps letting his emotions get the better of him, it prompted the question: Would the players have support from any constituency, besides themselves, with such an action?
What a mess.
There’s some cleanup coming. Bet on a decent portion of these names, big and small, coming off the board between now and Valentine’s Day, when most teams start pitchers-and-catchers workouts. If the Orioles are keeping Manny Machado, then they have to honor that decision by adding some starting pitchers, right? The Brewers, having traded for Christian Yelich and signed Lorenzo Cain to boost their outfield, will keep going and further improve their starting rotation, right? Locally, we know the Mets will likely wind up getting someone from the bin featuring Todd Frazier, Eduardo Nunez and Neil Walker, and maybe the Yankees will, too.
The key domino in the starting-pitching gridlock appears to be Darvish, who is believed to be weighing multiple similar offers in the $100 million range and not close to deciding. At some point, though, guys below him such as Alex Cobb and Lance Lynn might have to jump on an opportunity rather than wait for Darvish and Jake Arrieta, one of many Scott Boras clients who have yet to sign, to establish the ceiling.
Plenty of teams have money left to spend, and if most wind up like Cain, who got five years and $80 million, then the wait will have been worth it. Most, however, will probably not match their pre-hot stove expectations as well as Cain did.
And from the peanut gallery, you hear … very little, right? Outside of Flushing, Miami and Pittsburgh, there’s not much unrest among the masses.
The long-awaited World Series titles won by the Cubs and Astros in consecutive years validated the merits of tanking, so fans in, say, Detroit, are far more accepting of as full a teardown as possible. Those same Tigers fans look at the untradable veterans such as Miguel Cabrera and Jordan Zimmermann and witness the high risk of handing out long-term contracts, particularly through a player’s golden years.
Back in the day, the union fought for its very survival and reason to exist as a fleet of old-school owners tried to destroy it. The intellectuals among baseball fans could appreciate and support the players.
On what grounds can the players urge for support now, beyond the simple “We want more of the pie!”? To shrug off this winter as an aberration, with next year’s star-heavy free-agent class featuring Bryce Harper and Machado, would be a mistake. Harper and Machado, both of whom will be entering their age-26 seasons in 2019, look more like the aberrations, with the over-30 guys (Josh Donaldson, Andrew McCutchen, Craig Kimbrel and more) in danger of struggles similar to this year.
This saga figures to last through all of spring training and then pick up again next November. It’s the new reality, and it’s on everyone in the game to make sure it doesn’t lead to Jansen being a prophet.