Have you ever wished that you could hit the spa with Gwyneth Paltrow? Think of the toxins you’d sweat away, the turmeric shots you’d swill, the health tips you’d swap over a vaginal steam.
Consider this the next best thing: The Park Hyatt New York is launching a “Bath Butler” service using GP’s just-launched line of bath soaks.
The $100 experience includes a choice of three Goop bath soaks (G.Nite, G.Tox or the Martini), a butler to draw the bath for you, and a custom beverage pairing (chamomile lavender tea for G.Nite, coconut green tea for G.Tox, and a martini for The Martini).
On first brush, this seems like a lovely — albeit exorbitantly expensive — setup for tired hotel guests. But as anyone who fell into a Wikipedia hole after watching “The Crown” well knows, luxe baths can be dangerous. In 1999, the aging Princess Margaret was badly burned when she drew a too-hot bath while vacationing on the private island of Mustique. A freak accident, sure, but beware of being lulled into a false sense of security when you’re not in charge of water temperature.
And forget a butler — what you really need is a maid. This writer tried the G.Tox bath ($35 at Goop) and found that the charcoal-based formula left a black ring around the tub. The powder clinged to any invisible grime that hadn’t been scrubbed and bleached off, like a dental rinse designed to highlight plaque. The experience was less calming, more, “Good God, I’m living in filth!”
Here’s hoping the Park Hyatt has a more thorough cleaning service than I do.