Boe McCrimmon Jr. had been a playboy for years when he got his first iPhone in 2007, but the shiny gadget — and its nonstop access to Facebook and Twitter — made finding women all too easy.
“Instead of having a little black book, the world is your little black book,” says McCrimmon, 29, an entrepreneur and host of the podcast “I Say That To Say This,” on which he muses about his personal life.
For six years after that, the Port Washington, Long Island, resident was always dating at least two women at the same time — most of whom thought they were the only lady in his life — and typically flirting with several others on Instagram and Twitter.
But in 2014, things started to catch up with him. His girlfriend at the time grew suspicious when he began retweeting pictures of sexy women; she logged into his account and discovered adulterous DMs (direct messages) he’d been exchanging with several women. She eventually broke off the relationship.
The following year, he was in a serious relationship with another woman and got caught with his hand on the touchscreen once again. His then-girlfriend, whom he was living with, plugged his phone into a charger and it lit up, showing that he was messaging several women on SoulSwipe, a dating app for black singles.
“It’s so easy to cheat [now], but it’s even easier to get caught,” says McCrimmon, now a self-professed reformed man who has been faithfully married for three years. “[Your] iPhone tracks every location you’ve been. If you lie about something, [someone] can go right into your location services and see exactly where [you were] at 3 o’clock.”
It used to be that partners discovered cheating by finding incriminating evidence on phone bills or credit card statements. Now, the unfaithful are being caught on social media and through apps such as Uber (which meticulously documents car routes), Venmo (person-to-person payments) and Find My Friends (locations).
“This is information spurned lovers have never had before — it’s definitely a game-changer,” says Logan Strain, a security analyst at Truthfinder, a company that provides background checks and public records. In recent years, Strain says he’s seen an uptick in people who found out about their cheating partners through suspicious Venmo transactions, Snapchat check-ins and late-night Uber rides.
The brave new world of betrayal shook things up for Michelle, a 25-year-old media strategist who splits her time between Boston and Midtown. One night in 2017, her boyfriend of four months told her he couldn’t go out because he had to stay in and work. She was immediately suspicious because he’d told her similar things in the past, and she’d later learned from friends that he was out.
“I swear I’m not the crazy type,” says Michelle, who didn’t want to disclose her last name for professional reasons.
‘It’s so easy to cheat [now], but it’s even easier to get caught.’
This time, it wasn’t friends but social media that revealed he was a liar. That same evening, he uploaded several pictures of himself bar-hopping with a girl on Snapchat Snap Map, a feature that lets users tag their location when uploading photos and videos, confirming her worst fears.
“I definitely feel like I got played,” she says. Once she found out, she “ghosted” him by not responding to his repeat text messages.
“I dropped him and it felt great.”
But, while Michelle’s suspicions were confirmed, others are just left with suspicions and no evidence.
Dr. Colleen Mullen, a psychotherapist and owner of Coaching Through Chaos in San Diego, says she’s witnessed an increase in couples who face trust issues because of apps and social media, even when people aren’t cheating.
“I have seen the apps do more damage than good in relationships,” says Mullen. “When people are suspicious [of cheating], they’re more likely to look things up online instead of just talking to [their partner] … [and] a lot of miscommunication can happen.”
If you suspect someone is cheating, have a direct conversation with your partner instead of hacking into their social-media accounts, Mullen says.
“The first time you approach him [or her], say that you’ve noticed that some things have changed and ask what you both can do about it,” she says.
And if you’re worried about what your partner does on his or her phone early on in a romance, that may be a sign of an unhealthy situation.
“If you’re only a few months into a relationship and you’re already paranoid with suspicion, and unless you know you have a hard time trusting … don’t spend too much time invested in someone you don’t trust,” Mullen says. “And if you accuse someone of cheating because of an app, [and] there isn’t cheating going on, it might be the end of the relationship. People don’t like to be not trusted.”
Here’s how four popular apps can reveal infidelities:
Venmo
The mobile payment service shows a feed of each user’s public transactions with other users. If you notice that your partner is consistently making payments to strangers and signing them off with cab or food emojis, he or she may be wining, dining — and more — with someone else.
Uber
Do you share an Uber account with your significant other? One telltale way to see if he or she is being honest is to take a look at their past rides. Random carpools to bars or residential areas could be a red flag that you’re being cheated on.
The photo-sharing social network is a digital hotbed for flirting. If you notice that a partner is consistently liking and commenting on another user’s photos, they may well be engaging in other extracurricular activities with that person as well.
Find My Friends
All iPhones have this app. If it’s activated — which you might not even realize is happening — it uses your phone’s GPS to share your location with other users. It’s an easy way to confirm if a significant other is lying about where he or she has been going.