Philadelphia couple Jim and Alex Burns recently went viral for an eyebrow-raising crowdsourcing request. In a post on MealTrain.com, Jim, the husband, explained that he and his wife were expecting their first child — and, as Twitter users were fast to point out, expecting a lot from their neighbors, too. In the post, he asked for volunteers to help support them — via elaborate meals, emotional aid and cleaning the house.
Their post was viciously mocked online — and might leave first-time parents wondering, is it ever OK to ask people to lend a hand during those exhausting early first days?
Believe it or not, it’s actually OK to ask your friends, family members and neighbors for free food, therapy and help with chores. You just have to do it graciously.
“When somebody is sick or has a baby, we want to rally around them,” etiquette expert Diane Gottsman tells The Post. “But asking complete strangers for food, and then being very specific with what you want, feels ambitious and demanding . . . It will turn people off.”
We talked to Gottsman, the author of “Modern Etiquette for a Better Life” and founder of the Protocol School of Texas, about her tips in asking for help — online or off.
Get someone else to do the dirty work
Indiscriminately posting your own Meal Train link all over message boards and social media sites can seem aggressive. Instead, Gottsman advises having a friend or family member handle the outreach. “Get somebody to be your advocate — somebody who could gather people on your behalf and say, ‘This person is going to be held up for a few days: How can we help her?’ ”
Don’t dictate how others should help you
Adding a note about your favorite foods or any dietary or medical restrictions to your Meal Train sign-up? Totally fine. Asking strangers to make specific recipes for you? “That’s unreasonable and not appropriate,” says Gottsman. You’re asking for help — not paying for a chef or a maid. Let people figure out how they want to contribute.
Show gratitude
Unless you are bedridden or immobile, you should be on hand to accept the food and gifts your neighbors worked hard to deliver to you (so, no coolers on the lawn). And always follow up with a thank you. “Most apps have a thank-you response built in,” says Gottsman, “but if not, an email or a handwritten note never goes out of style.”