Every new year brings us ingenious advances in science and tech, fascinating creations from the art and fashion worlds, and breakthroughs in our collective id.
But, as always, there is a flip side to the good, the new, the interesting — the trends and goods that just should never have been. To quote a bad song from 1998, “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end,” and may all the beginnings we are about to discuss end — and never come back.
Here are just some of the worst trends of 2019 we’d like to see go the way of the Dodo:
Face tattoos
2019 was a particularly bad year for these ill-advised tattoos. In September, Aaron Carter, for some unknown reason, got a huge inking of Rihanna as a mermaid on the entire right-hand side of his face. Carter now joins the dubious crew of Post Malone, Justin Bieber, Lil Wayne and Kehlani who also have permanent, nonsensical doodlings on their mugs. Perhaps most ill-advised is Takashi69’s random and easily recognized face scribbles. The rapper, who is serving a two-year prison sentence for racketeering, weapons and drugs charges ratted out his fellow Blood gang members to get a lighter sentence and must now be wondering what he’s going to do when he’s finally released as it’s hard to hide with identifiable tats. Even the courtroom sketch artist found him easy to draw because “he has all that writing all over him. Nobody else has that!” For a reason.
Butt it’s so sexy!
We understand sexy here at The Post (we do!) but you know what’s not sexy? Serving everything up on a platter cold. Leaving nothing to the imagination this year, janties — jean panties — were worn a la carte, often without underwear, and giving the rest of us the gynecological view we never wanted. Belfies (butt-selfies) flooded Instagram as serial offenders like Bella Hadid and Emily Ratajkowski crammed their cans into painful-looking thongs for Instagram likes. But butt bearing reached new heights as Lizzo attended a Lakers game December 8 at the Staples Center in Los Angeles in a black dress with a giant hole on the backside, and at one point, dropping down in the court to twerk for the crowd to a collective eye-roll.
Ramen sandals
Fashion has always tried to push the limits — but this sandal is just sad. 2018 had the horrific fur slides — turning everyone’s tootsies into insta-bear claws — and this year Bottega Venetta debuted a macrame slide that looked just like the old college delicacy, Cup Noodles. Just add water.
Cryptocurrency Craze
Used by drug smugglers, arms dealers and mafia around the world, cryptocurrency keeps the hall of doom in business. It’s not going anywhere — but the hype around it should. Several times this year Bitcoin, the most popular cryptocurrency, has surged severely — creating insta-millionaires (and in the case of some, billionaires). Millions of people took note and wanted in on the action — only to be left holding the bag in several instances. The issues include the easily manipulated market for the secretive blockchains and the fact that many investors don’t know anything about the machinations of cryptocurrency — leading hucksters to take advantage. Self-proclaimed crypto queen, Ruja Ignatova disappeared with over $400 million after claiming to have discovered a new currency to rival Bitcoin. And just last month, jilted investors in a defunct cryptocurrency scheme asked that businessman Gerald Cotten’s remains be exhumed in order to prove his death actually occurred. Over $137 million went missing after Cotten’s death last year in India.
Gender Reveal Parties
This year alone, elaborate gender party mishaps have included a plane crash, a fatal explosion, a hippopotamus, a tied-up (and pissed off) alligator, an exploding car, a ball-busting accident, and a large gender-related fart. It’s gotten so ridiculous and dangerous that even the inventor of the gender reveal party now says the whole concept was a “stupid idea.” We concur!
Banana Art
Artist Maurizio Cattelan blew the art world’s mind this year when his piece “Comedian” — which was just a banana duct-taped to a wall — went on sale for a mind-blowing $120,000 at Art Basel Miami. Two more bananas were sold and one was mauled after New York performance-based artist David Dattuna ripped one off the wall and ate it. While the “art” provided memes for months, it raised questions about the quality of the pieces in the art world and whether or not people were just sheep to the galleries’ callings.
Insanely Expensive Wellness Fads
People want to live forever — and rich people are especially susceptible to longevity’s charms. The private club, The Well, opened this summer where for a whopping $375 a month (plus a $500 initiation fee) members can work out, meditate in a subterranean yurt with a huge gong, walk on floors that are embedded with crystals, book massages and partake in a host of “modalities,” talks with “thought leaders,” practice “mindfulness,” follow “unified protocol,” try “expanded blood panels,” and test out “craniosacral” therapies and more. Beyond The Well, crystal fads, flat tummy teas and keto diets (that make your breath smell and can result in a malodorous “keto crotch“) filled the airwaves and drained our wallets. Here’s a tip for 2020: eat your non-fried veggies, exercise and relax.
CBD Everything
Cannabidiol oil (CBD) is everywhere these days. True believers say it can do everything from cure cancer, help you sleep and calm you down. Products touting CBD pills, creams, drinks and food are everywhere — even in dog food — but do they work? A Harvard study noted: “There’s no evidence, for example, that CBD cures cancer. There is moderate evidence that CBD can improve sleep disorders, fibromyalgia pain, muscle spasticity related to multiple sclerosis, and anxiety.” However, it also said that good CBD should be bought from dispensaries in states where marijuana is legal and that the marketing has gotten ahead of the science. As the CBD industry in America is unregulated — who knows if what you’re actually buying works or not?
Brittleness
Dave Chappelle caused a furor this year during his Netflix specials when he suggested that people have become too brittle and that we are having “disproportionate” reactions to (some) #MeToo allegations as well as (some) gender issues. Here’s the thing — as a woman who has been sexually harassed, passed over for promotions because of her gender and faced discrimination throughout the decades — I agree with Dave. Is Harvey Weinstein a monster? Yep. Should Aziz Ansari been called out for a bad date? Nope. We have become brittle on a litany of issues — sexuality, gender, politics, food, even pronouns. Earlier this month, a transgender worker sued Nike for “pronoun abuses” claiming the company “failed to implement any policies, procedures and trainings around the use of gender pronouns in the workplace.” This is a transitional time in our history people. We will get there. But let’s all take a deep breath and understand everything is not black and white — most are shades of gray.
Remakes of EVERYTHING
Hollywood needs a remake — as in a whole new slew of executives. Due to cravenness and a severe lack of creativity, shows like “Clueless,” “Northern Exposure,” “Frasier,” “Designing Women,” “Bewitched” and “Party of Five” will hit our screens … again. And that’s just television. The movies are also redundant as Disney remakes their cartoons into live-action and classics are “updated.” Hollywood executives claim this is because “consumers like them” — although surveys (and actual viewership) say otherwise. The West Coast could take a lesson from the East Coast — or at least from AMC president Sarah Barnett. With little to no budget, Barnett revamped Sundance TV in 2009 by launching “Rectify,” “The Honorable Woman” and “Top of the Lake” and then later transformed BBC America where she greenlit and ushered in “Orphan Black” and “Killing Eve.” She was promoted to head up all of AMC Networks earlier this year. Hollywood could use more Sarah Barnetts.
The deification of people who exhibit really odd, bad and sometimes mentally unstable behavior.
Kanye, Pete Davidson, Elon Musk and almost anyone who appear in a Bravo or TLC show … I’m looking at you.