Quarantine doesn’t have to put a damper on your sex life.
Whether you’re single, separated from your partner during lockdown or stuck inside together, you can spread the love without spreading the coronavirus.
“You still have a sexuality — you did before and you will after,” sexologist Dr. Carol Queen, who works with sex-toy companies Good Vibrations and Babeland, tells The Post. “Exploring it can be a fun, pleasurable, helpful, anxiety-reducing thing to do.”
Here, Queen and other sexperts give tips on how to keep it sensual while social distancing.
Singles: Get to know yourself.
“Masturbation helps us understand that our sexual pleasure does not come from another person,” says Queen. “It helps us understand that we are significant to ourselves.” Ditch the one-and-done mentality. “If you’re a quick, ‘I’m going to do it and then go on with my day’ person, you might be really surprised to learn that you can get better, stronger and more powerful orgasms from taking more time,” she says.
Singles: Prep for a sexier future.
One day, dating will happen in person again. And when it does, “Wouldn’t it be cool to think, ‘I’ve got some new insight to take into the game now that I didn’t have before?’ ” says Queen.
If you have a lot of time on your hands and some decent lighting in your apartment, give yourself a makeover. Then, “take some selfies to hold onto for the future when you can use them” on your profile, says Brianna Rader, CEO of Juicebox, a sexual intimacy company.
Need something a little more active? Blast a sexy song and practice your twerking. When it’s time to hit the clubs again, you’ll be ready.
Partners apart: Use your words.
Sexting isn’t just naked photos. Dirty talk “lays the groundwork for when you can see this person in real life. You’ve already had all these rich, sexual conversations about what you like in bed, about consent,” says Rader.
New to it? Start with this formula: Tell your partner what you want to do them, pretend you’re doing it right now and tell them how it feels to do that act. Work your way up from sweet and suggestive to more expressive language.
Singles: Watch something new.
“People get stuck in these formulas where they watch the same thing over and over again because they like it,” says Rader. Switch it up and watch something you’ve always been curious about.
Singles or partners apart: Listen to your heart.
Erotica isn’t just visual. Give audio porn a try, or listen to a sexy story. It’ll help to “transport” you, says Queen — and maybe ignite a new style of arousal. “This is a chance to fantasize,” she says.
Partners apart: Accessorize.
Queen notes that there are many vibrators couples can invest in that allow one partner to control their lover’s toy through a remote app, like this minimalistic wearable one. This rabbit-style vibe even allows you to send your partner photos and video through its app.
Partners apart: Put it down on paper.
Rader suggests writing down an erotic story as a form of journaling. It can be a fantasy or a mind-banging memory. Save it for yourself as a form of reflection — or get on the phone and read it aloud to your partner.
Quarantined couples and partners apart: Set the mood.
A little scene-setting can help your sexy video call feel less like the work conference calls you’ve been on all day. Light candles, play music, put on perfume — whatever helps you get in the zone.
Partners apart: Try Zoom outside of the ‘office.’
Sex coach Alexa Martinez suggests spicing up your video calls. On Zoom, users have the option to share their screen and audio — allowing you to watch a sexy movie, or even a porn clip, together. Get on a call together and hit “play.” That way, “[you’re] seeing the video together as well as seeing each other in the small window in the corner of the screen,” she says.
Partners apart and quarantined couples: Put it on the calendar.
“Make a time so that you know somebody’s going to call and be frisky with you, so you’re not in the living room with your roommates or in the kitchen making dinner with your mom,” says Queen. For couples together, it gives you a shared goal to look forward to during the week.
Partners apart and quarantined couples: Get dressed up.
Now is the time to buy that lingerie you’ve always wanted. For a FaceTime date or some in-person action, it’ll be a welcome change from the sweats you’ve been rocking every day. If you’ve got a sexy Halloween costume lying around, now’s a good time to take it for a spin.
Quarantined couples: Take time apart.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Manufacture some by sitting in other rooms if you can. It’ll give you both a welcome breather, and allow you to want to actually want each other.
Quarantined couples: Use a communication cheat sheet.
Mismatched libidos, unfulfilled needs and other problems can come up when you have this much time on your hands. So Martinez suggests using a communication tool, such as a want/will/won’t list, to help couples articulate their sexual priorities and boundaries.
“You check off what you want, what you will do (for a partner), and what is an absolute no,” says Martinez. When she and her partner did this exercise, it took several hours. “Now he knows to never lick my ears again,” she says.
Quarantined couples: Make WFH NSFW.
Use this time together to your advantage and have an afternoon delight. Rader’s line? “I’m thinking about taking a midday nap. Want to help wear me out, so I can fall asleep better?”
Quarantined couples: Have playtime.
Martinez suggests setting aside one night a week to do something you’ve never done before. She recommends watching Kenneth Play’s hybrid porn/sex education videos on his Sex Hacker Pro course. His instructional clips offer guidance on everything from manual technique to mind games. “Remove all expectations to be sexy or get things right, and create a play container to explore one another,” says Martinez.