New Yorkers aren’t known for their politeness at the best of times. And Miss Manners definitely never prepped this city for a pandemic.
During lockdown, normal activities like grocery shopping, walking around the block and even just calling friends are suddenly charged with new tensions and stressors. Everything is uncharted territory, so the usual rules for behavior are out the window. At the same time, the city’s lone-wolf residents depend on each other more than ever to stay healthy and sane.
You already know what to do from a germ perspective: wash your hands, stay home if you can and wear a mask if you can’t. Now it’s time to tackle etiquette — basic rules for behavior to make quarantine life more bearable for everyone.
The Post talked to therapists, professional shoppers and smart people with good opinions to put together this guide to courteous living during COVID-19.
Grocery shopping
“There’s a lot of social rules that are really in flux right now, and one of them is grocery shopping with others in tow,” Staten Island Instacart shopper Tim Hickey tells The Post. If your grocery store hasn’t mandated that only one person from your party enter the store, follow suit anyway. It makes it easier for essential workers to keep a distance at work.
Make sure to wear a mask, even though it’s annoying, he adds.
Getting food delivered
If you’re getting your groceries delivered, think about the items you’ve selected. Heavy items, like cases of water bottles or large bags of rice from Costco, are hard to carry. It also makes professional shoppers less likely to select your order, says Hickey.
Delivery people don’t want to touch you as much as you don’t want to touch them. Most drivers are operating under no-contact delivery orders. Don’t expect your groceries to be brought into your home. If you’d like them left in a certain area, note that in the app or contact your driver.
The same thing goes for ordering takeout.
“I don’t want to hand food to you. It’s best if you stay inside your house when I’m delivering anything,” says Hickey.
When it comes to tipping, doing so within the app is best right now, says Hickey, who also drives for DoorDash and Uber Eats.
“I really don’t want to have to take anything from the house,” he says.
Most of his customers have been tipping him more than 20 percent, he adds.
Stepping out
In normal times, personal space isn’t really a concept for busy New Yorkers, who pack themselves like sardines into subway cars. But right now, it’s imperative to be mindful about how much room you’re taking up on the sidewalk.
It’s OK to go on walks with members from your household, but step aside when around strangers. Make sure you’re staying 6 feet apart, and if there’s someone nearby, rearrange yourself into a single file to make passing safer. That goes for your partner, roommate or even kids. “I move the farthest right as I can. If there’s no room, I cross the street, “says Christan Marashio, a dog walker on the Upper East Side. “I cannot count on other people to do it. You can only really count on policing your own behavior.”
Dealing with your co-workers
Working from home shouldn’t change your behavior all that much, says Maggie Craddock, founder of Workplace Relationships.
“If we were still in an office setting, how would you gauge it?” she recommends employees ask themselves. That means that if you normally wouldn’t alert your team if you’re stepping out for 20 minutes, there is no need to now, either.
Videoconference calls through Zoom or Google Hangouts have become the norm, but they should be used wisely, says Craddock.
“Everybody’s moods are so fluid right now,” she says. So ask your team if they’d prefer to do a call over video or by phone. “One day, people might be dying to see each other’s expressions”; other days, not so much.
And whenever possible, be extra kind — to your teammates, who are also under additional strain right now, and to yourself. If you’re feeling burnt out or dealing with a personal problem, be honest about it, and ask for assistance.
“If you’re honest and direct about it, people are usually willing to help,” she says.
Inside your house
It’s OK to let certain battles go to maintain harmony at home. But there’s one you can’t back down on: If you’re living with someone you feel isn’t taking social distancing seriously, be blunt, says Matt Lundquist, a psychotherapist and the founder of Tribeca Therapy.
“People need to say, ‘Sorry, I know you think I’m being unreasonable, but I need to really insist on this,’ ” he says. If they push back (don’t be the person who pushes back!), say something like, “You don’t need to agree on all the nuances of what is and isn’t risky, but you do need to respect me.”
If they can’t get on board, you may need to find somewhere else to stay, or to ask them to leave. That’s how important it is.
For other issues, compromise is key. Adults moving back into their parents’ house should be extra careful to keep the peace right now — which can mean reigning it in when you want to sound off. This is not the time to have fights that make you re-evaluate your relationship with your mother. “People are needing to make concessions to survive,” says Lundquist.
Those concessions can come into play with couples, too. “One partner [may] drink too much,” says Lundquist. “I think this is not the moment to be getting in a fight around that. Maybe you’re learning things about the long-term viability of this relationship, [which should be dealt with] when we’re in a post-pandemic world.”
Talking with friends
Pre-pandemic, FaceTiming a friend without asking them first was “really abrasive,” says Gina Tomaine, health and wellness editor at Philadelphia magazine. But now, random video calls are becoming the norm because most of us are at home all day.
“That stigma of someone FaceTiming you at a time that’s not opportune isn’t there anymore,” says Tomaine. “It brings back that casual intimacy that we used to have in our lives.”
If this is happening to you and you’re not into it, be direct with your loved ones. You can say, “I’m really down today and I’m not up for it,” or “I’m exhausted and I had a busy work day,” says Tomaine. “I think everyone really understands right now.”
Now might also be a good time to check in with your friends about their preferences — are they OK with you calling or inviting them to a video chat without warning, or would they prefer a text first?
Tomaine has also noticed that it’s harder to end calls gracefully, “because we don’t have somewhere to go.” She suggests using household obligations as a point to say goodbye, like having to shower or make dinner, to make those transitions smoother.