Lots of stuff in the notepad, so let’s go! No huddle, hurry-up offense! Omaha! Or is it Omicron?
Late Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart famously confessed that he could not describe pornography, “but I know it when I see it.”
Same often applies to good TV.
For my increasingly devalued money, the most telling live shot of the six-game NFL playoffs weekend was seen between plays, felicitously captured by NBC in the fourth quarter of Raiders-Bengals.
An overhead shot of a Bengals huddle showed QB Joe Burrow in firm, conspicuous control, emphatically gesturing to teammates, all of whom seemed to provide Burrow their total attention. A kid CEO in command of a board meeting attended by millionaires.
This shot was worth all the Burrow passing stat graphics thrown at us. The 25-year-old was in mature, confident charge en route to the franchise’s first playoff win in 30 years.
It also caused regret, as football presented by TV has regressed to a tired, meaningless series of slow-motion replays of players making muscle-man, first-down, feed-me and all-about me gestures, as if that’s what we prefer, when even dopes are sick of it.
In fact, both NBC’s and CBS’ Saturday NFL telecasts presented the standard shots of fans eyeing a sideline camera as they banged their hands — hand, for those holding beer — against the padded walls surrounding the field, another shot so played-out and empty-headed it may as well be file footage, yet TV directors find it irresistible.
Anyway, Saturday that live overhead shot of Burrow conducting business was TV fulfilling its mostly abandoned promise to provide the best seat in the house.
So another Roger Goodell “It’s All About Our Fans” game, Saturday night in Green Bay’s arctic conditions. That follows the -6 degree wind chill Saturday night Patriots-Bills game last week.
Both games could have been played in afternoon sunshine, except Goodell, employing Page 1 of the Street Hookers’ Guide Book, allows TV, “the John,” to do what it wishes to the NFL as long as the moneys right.
This past Saturday afternoon, Aqueduct, far south of Buffalo, humanely canceled its card, as it wasn’t a fit day for man nor beast.
A previous zero-degree night game in Green Bay inspired reader Allyn Fredyn to the memorable: “Had Goodell left his dog out on a night like that, he’d have been arrested.”
“So this is Roger ‘It’s All About Our Fans’ Goodell, reminding you that come midnight in zero degrees, roads likely will be icy, so arrive home safely!”
Odell TD? Time to ‘celebrate’ malcontent
Even by ESPN’s cheap thrills standards and fools’ paradise hype, play-by-play man Steve Levy left us mystified Monday night, noting what we’d just seen was, “For Odell Beckham, his first receiving playoff touchdown of his celebrated NFL career.”
The Rams are Beckham’s third NFL team, as he made himself insufferable to first the Giants then the Browns. His college, LSU, made it clear it wanted him to get lost and stay there after he tried to steal the postgame scene after its 2019 national championship, a game that included Burrow but not Beckham, as the latter was long gone.
Celebrated NFL career. Geez.
Three NFL players were arrested last week. That’s a lot for Roger Goodell to ignore, while NFL helmets and end zones continue to tell viewers that they’re the ones who need to improve their evil social ways.
Browns defensive tackle Malik McDowell was arrested for a naked romp followed by an attack on police, forcing a lockdown at a nearby school. Brown has an extensive rap sheet — once serving 66 days — starting as a student-athlete at Michigan State.
But Goodell’s helmets suggest that viewers “Inspire Change.” As opposed to whom? Goodell?
That near riot in Monday’s Cardinals-Rams — Rams star Aaron Donald trying to choke an opponent—- was fought among players wearing “Stop Hate” messaging. But Goodell apparently missed it. What a complete con — on Martin Luther King Jr. Day.
Would the Garden exploit the legacy of Henrik Lundqvist to gouge Rangers fans? You tell me.
Wednesday, MSG distributed an email announcing, “Final Batch Of Seats Released For Henrik Night,” Jan. 28.
The missive listed seats from a low of $450, near the ceiling, to $2,500. So, devoted suckers, show the Garden how much you loved “The King”!
It’s tough to gauge how much TV replays of players in acts of rank and ridiculous conceit have encouraged even more to behave likes jerks on the biggest stages, but it must be considerable.
With 4:00 left in the third of Pats-Bills, New England’s Kendrick Bourne caught a TD pass to make it 33-9, Bills. Bourne then mean-mugged the nearest CBS camera as if he’d just conquered Abyssinia.
Down 24-0 to the Buccaneers, Philadelphia running back Miles Sanders ran for 14 yards then rose, pounding his chest as if he’d just retaken Abyssinia. As reader Joe Miegoc noted, Sanders finished with seven carries for 16 yards — and a bruised chest.
At 10-0, 49ers over Cowboys on Sunday, CBS, over live play, posted: “Largest Lead By Road Team This Wild Card Weekend.” Security! Someone cracked the code!
Foolish calls get ignored by announcers
I’m but a poor fisherman, yet certain strategies escape me.
How did the Eagles think they’d beat the Buccaneers by having right-handed QB Jalen Hurts regularly rolling to his left before throwing, presaging a pile of incompletes and one of his two interceptions? Needed to hear from Fox’s Troy Aikman on this. We didn’t.
And why, up 40-10, was starting QB Josh Allen, playing in -6 degrees wind child, allowed to remain in the game? Why did Buffalo coach Sean McDermott risk his injury on a frozen field?
Was there an advantage to running it up to win, 47-17?
Saturday afternoon, otherwise a good time to play an NFL game on a winter COVID stay-in day — not that Roger Goodell, at $63 million per, cares — MLB Network aired a game from the 1971 Pirates-Orioles World Series.
NBC’s Curt Gowdy gave the starting time of the next game’s pregame show then the scheduled first pitch. Today, he’d risk being fired for that.
Ben Rothenberg, who recklessly tweeted, along with his New York Times ID, that ESPN’s Doug Adler had just called Venus Williams “a gorilla,” leading to Adler’s immediate dismissal by a frightened ESPN — Adler had complimented her “guerrilla-style” tactic of poaching the net, a common tennis expression — is still covering the Australian Open for The Times.
The Times never even addressed Adler’s immediate firing after Rothenberg’s missive from that 2017 Australian Open, allowing Adler’s career, reputation and health — he soon had a heart attack — to be destroyed by a lie that no one in tennis, at The Times and ESPN has had the courage to correct.
Rothenberg, in a transparently absurd email to me, remains insistent that Adler called her “a gorilla,” which is preposterous, as it would have come out of the blue, no in-the-the-moment context.
Adler remains an internet “racist” and a mainstream TV pariah based on a total lie. The worst case of gutless mass media injustice I’ve encountered.
Readers have asked if all these drunken brawlers at NFL games might be COVID-spreaders. Before I’d test them for COVID, I’d test them for rabies.
As for the football itself, the “pigskin,” I’d test it for swine flu.
Finally, due to food shortages, I’ve been informed that the 5-second rule has been extended to 10 seconds.
