Drift-wood: Woman stumbles upon a beached ‘penis’ as big as her ‘leg’
Not the way you want to see “Free Willy.”
An Australian woman redefined “sex on the beach” after happening across an alleged “whale penis” while beachcombing in Queensland. Footage of the supposed phallic flotsam is racking up millions of views online.
“‘What the f – – k is that?” the aghast woman — who posts under the handle @bootscootinaf — wondered in one of the TikTok clips detailing the “disgusting” purported Moby member, which she found on Magnetic Island.
In a separate clip with more than 3.6 million views, the woman said she had been walking on the beach of the idyllic isle, when all of a sudden, she discovered the mutilated alleged member floating in the “crystal-clear water.” Accompanying footage shows the “massive” pink object, which appears to be sliced in several places and whose fleshy insides are visible at the end where it was seemingly detached from an animal. In another clip, she places her foot alongside the supposed phallus to show how it’s nearly “the size of my leg.”
Needless to say, many social media oceanographers speculated that the jumbo appendage had once belonged to a whale.
“That’s a wales pp,” declared one armchair zoologist, while another wrote, “DON’T TOUCH IT it’s a whale thing.”
Of course a few TikTok wits couldn’t resist making sophomoric wisecracks. “He’s just called Moby now,” joked one in reference to the cetacean’s long-lost schlong.
Another social media comedian quipped, “Free Willy has taken it TOO FAR.”
Australian wildlife expert Dr. Vanessa Pirotta has since weighed-in on the bizarre discovery on TikTok, noting that it’s “hard to know exactly what this object is without seeing it in the flesh.”
“As a scientist, we want to have as much information on the size and also how it looks from every single angle, so we just don’t know at this stage,” she said.
However, she noted that the alleged appendage was found near a popular breeding ground for humpback whales, whose penises can grow to 10-feet long — a whole foot longer than the tallest man who ever lived.
Nonetheless, Dr. Pirotta threw cold water on popular TikTok theories that the member was bitten off during a whale mating ritual.
“If this is a male humpback whale penis, it is very unlikely that it was bitten off by another humpback whale,” she said. “These whales don’t have any teeth, rather they have long hair-like strands known as baleen.”
She added, “To bite another male’s penis off is something that I’ve not ever heard of.”
And while the scientists noted that toothy killer whales — which prey on other cetaceans — could’ve amputated it, she found this outcome unlikely as there were no other markings on the alleged member.
“‘This is just a mystery at this stage,” Pirotta lamented.
The whale willy caper follows rumors that Scotland’s mythical Loch Ness monster is actually just a whale penis.
Michael Sweet, a molecular ecologist at the University of Derby in England, had floated the whale of a tale back in April, before walking it back on the grounds that there are no whales in Loch Ness.
