DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my husband, unhappy in his job, decided he wanted to be a real estate agent. He quit his job to do full-time real estate, and really struggled. The company he joined offered little training, and he had no office skills. The dramatic drop in our income almost bankrupted us. He asked me to also get a license to help (I have a great office job). I didn’t want to at first because I knew I would end up doing almost all the work, but I did it anyway.
Shortly after I got licensed, he was offered a position at his previous company. It was a blessing, and he took it. I have been selling real estate in addition to my job and having a lot of success. I believe it’s due to my 20 years of office management experience and social media skills. Although I’m an introvert, I’m a hard worker, and my business is growing. People seek me out.
Abby, my husband is jealous. When I sell a home, he pouts, acts depressed or picks arguments around that time. He hates going to business dinners or training with our company, and if I go without him, he barely speaks to me the next day. Sometimes he gets excited and talks about how he needs to sell some houses. When he does, I encourage him and talk about how great he is at working with people, but ultimately he does nothing to make it happen.
I really enjoy real estate. I love getting out and showing houses and networking with other agents, and the extra income has really helped. I don’t know what to do. — PAYING THE PRICE OF SUCCESS
DEAR PAYING: Your husband may be jealous because you have outdone him in his (day)dream job. Or, he may be punishing you out of fear that you are becoming so successful you might want your independence. Keep going and do not allow his behavior to diminish you. None of what you have described is healthy for the future of your marriage. I’m hoping a licensed marriage and family therapist may be able to help you to navigate through this rough patch. Please don’t put it off. Without counseling, the status quo isn’t likely to change.
DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who doesn’t drive and constantly asks me to take her places. As a good friend, I do it. When I take her to an event, we agree on a time that we will leave, but she invariably stays behind to chat with other people 30 or 45 minutes past the time that we agreed on. In addition, she never offers anything for fuel. I think she’s inconsiderate, and I’m thinking about telling her she will need to find her own rides. Am I wrong for this? — OVER IT IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR OVER IT: No, you are not wrong, but the next time it happens, try this: Tell your good friend you will be leaving the event at a specific time and if she wants to stick around and chat, she should find another ride home. That way you won’t be inconvenienced.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.