My roommate would have the exact same date with multiple women at once as part of a controlled experiment
A dating roster is like a work roster but far more sexy.
If you haven’t heard of the term, well it is pretty straightforward.
It is just slang for when you are dating multiple people at once.
So, on Monday, you might see the barista with the complicated views on monogamy, and on Wednesday, you might see the fireman with the tax debt that he can’t explain.
It is pretty common and often discussed on TikTok where creators share their roster stories or even just post videos bragging about having a roster to begin with.
One creator joked that the one long thing in her life is her “roster” and another shared tips on why you should have a roster if you are single.
Triple J’s radio show The Hook-up dived into the horrors of trying to manage a romantic roster on Tuesday and the results were as hilarious and soul-destroying as dating.
Women called in and shared the astonishing ways they had found out they were on a man’s roster, from the classic accidental group text to being sent a personalized Spotify playlist.
But all of these pale in comparison to Ellen’s story.
Ellen said it was a “strange” experience when she had a housemate with three girls on a roster, before revealing the wild method he used.
Buckle up.
She said he had a system where he’d host his dates one after another and they’d happen “Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.”
Even crazier, he’d have the exact same date with all of them.
He’d make the same meal, which was lasagne, and then they’d watch the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
“The food would be the exact same, so he’d buy the ingredients in bulk,” she said.
I mean look … we’ve all had to watch that movie with a man in the same way we’ve all had to listen to a man badly play Wonderwall on guitar – but imagine doing that on repeat.
Something about the routine just screams he buys clothes that look thrifted from General Pants Co … but absolutely has never stepped into a vintage store in his life.
So why the same routine?
Was he nervous and trying to create a situation he was comfortable in?
Absolutely not.
It was actually a plan so he could directly compare his love interests and know who he liked best.
“The whole idea was that it was a controlled test, so he could really compare them,” she said.
Did he pick a girl from his low-budget version of The Bachelor? Nope
Instead, his former housemate said he ended up dating a “crazy girl” but the whole experience was “so strange” to watch.
Another woman, Bree, called up the radio show and shared that she found out the guy she was dating was seeing other women, thanks to Spotify.
The young woman said that she’d met him on Hinge, and they’d been on a few dates and were messaging pretty consistently.
She described the situation as “cute” and it wasn’t until he sent her a personalized Spotify playlist that their love story started to unravel like a MAFS relationship.
On the surface, it seemed like an “out of the blue” romantic gesture, but when she checked out his Spotify account to see what kind of music he liked she realized she wasn’t the only one.
“I see that in his playlists, he has multiple playlists for women with songs under their names.”
Ouch.
She didn’t declare what songs were on the playlist but you just know if he was an ‘alternative’ bro he would have thrown some Flume on there and acted like he was an undiscovered artist.
Multiple listeners were calling in and messaging online to share stories of finding out they were on the roster.
Someone shared they’d found out thanks to their new beau sending a group text by accident to their multiple conquests.
Another had a Snapchat situation gone wrong when they sent a “morning baby” message but by mistake had created a group chat with their entire roster.
Honestly, if you are adult enough to have your own Medicare card, it is time to delete Snapchat for your own good.
Someone realized they were being two-timed after finding out their boyfriend had a collection of toothbrushes.
I mean … at least he is prepared.
All this talk about rostering makes you realize we all deserve a day off from dating.
